Happy New Year!

This year is nearly over.  As with every year so many things happened this year.  Most of them have been good, some even wonderful and amazing.  Of course there are those things that have been sad or worrisome.  But on the whole I would say that 2012 has been a good year.

I was talking to Ella yesterday about crocheting.  She wanted me to give her a lesson.  So I told her how when I first started to crochet, I was making a Granny Square afghan   I was excited that I was learning this new skill.  I was hopeful.  I expected it to be beautiful.

It wasn't.  The squares were not the same size.  Some were a strange shape.  The stitches didn't match.  I hadn't kept the same tension the whole time.  But what did happen is that after working on that afghan I had learned how to crochet.  But the end my stitches were better.  I put that afghan down and moved on to a different project, one that I was actually proud of.  After that I continued to crochet, I learned new stitches.  I even started making my own patterns.  It has been 20 years of crocheting to get to this point.  But now, I can make nearly anything I want.

I wanted Ella to know that whatever she made was probably going to be awful.  I wanted her to know that I had thrown away the first project I made.  She sees what I make now and expects that she will be able to do that too.  I wanted her to know that she would be able to do this, but that it would take time, practice and work to get to that point.  And most of all I didn't want her to be disappointed in what she had done.

Today as I sit here and think about this year, I think about another skill that I have been working on.   My writing.  This same lesson that I was teaching my daughter about crocheting is how I need to look at my writing.

This I have also been working on for years, even longer than I have been working on my crocheting.  I was my youngest daughter's age when I was writing some of my first stories down in notebooks.  I still have many of these.  And yes, just like my first crocheting project, they were awful.

But to me, back then, they were magic.  They were something that I needed to do.  I continued to write.  I filled notebooks and later floppy disks with my worlds, my dreams, things that came from somewhere inside of me.  I am still doing that.

Just like my crocheting, I believe that my writing has gotten better.  I have given many of my crocheted projects away.  I have shared them with people.  It is only recently that I have started trusting in my writing as much as my crocheting.  That is one of the things that has made 2012 amazing for me.  I have realized how important that part of me truly is.  I have begun to make effort to see where I can go with it.

Two days ago, I just submitted my third short story.  As I was pushing the send button, I wanted to stop.  I didn't want to take that risk.  I wondered if those feelings would ever go away.  But I sent it anyhow.  Right now, I have five things out there somewhere.  I am waiting.  But I am not just waiting.  I am writing.  I am working on the next idea.  I am looking for more places to submit my work.  I am also crocheting.  I started four projects over Christmas break.  I am nearly finished with three of them.

How is crocheting like writing?
You can have the best idea in the world.  But if you don't start, you will never finish.
You need to work.  You need to practice.  You need to keep on doing it even if it is awful at the beginning.
And someday something you made from your own hands might be beautiful.

Happy Dance!

Yes, today was an interesting day.  But I will have to start with the end and my happy dance.  :)  Today I came home from shopping (yes I am crazy to have left my house and ventured out in December.  Normally I do everything in my power to avoid this.) and found I had an email.  This is likely the most exciting email I have every received.  It was about the short story that I just sent out last week.  The email was sent to inform me that my story had made it through the first round of consideration.  I have made it out of the slushie pile.  :)  My first short story I sent off and they are actually going to take a closer look at it.  Happy Dance!  That is an understatement.  If I am this excited about this, I wonder what it will be like when someone actually buys some of my words.  So that is my super wonderful happy dance worthy news of the day.

But yet there is more to this day.  :)  This morning I sat down and told myself, "Lisa, time to write."  I have been playing around with this idea for a few days.  But actually sitting down to write, now I haven't been able to do that.  Actually starting the story was hard to do.  So I just made myself do it this morning for about 40 minutes, not that long.  But it was enough.  Once I started writing, I didn't want to stop.  Then this afternoon while the kids were at basketball practice I finished the story.  It is likely the shortest thing I have written (at least since I was a child).  It is 7 words less than 1600 words.  It is not even a day's worth of NaNoWriMo. But I did it, and it is finished.  After supper I read it to my kids.  They are always my first audience.  I have learned to seek out their thoughts.  I want to see their reactions.  My biased little audience gave me the thumbs up.  You have to love those biased audiences.  :)  Now I let this story sit a day or two.  Then I will go back and read over it once again to see what I think.

But today, December 18th, was a very good day for me.

November and December

Wow, it has been over a month since I have written here.  I say that like I am surprised.  But really I know it has been a long time.  There are lots of things that I could write about here.   A lot of stuff happens in a month.  :)

I guess I should start with NaNoWriMo.  I did not write 50,000 words in November.  I did not get very far at all on my novel.  But I guess I never really expected to do it this time.  I probably could have.  But I had to decide just what I thought was more important.  I did a lot of writing.  Some of it was on my novel.  Some of it was on the short stories that I have been working on.  And some was 'writing work.'  Looking at markets, writing a synopsis or two, and getting things sent out.  So all in all, even though I didn't finish NaNo as a winner, I still feel good about the amount of writing that I got done last month.  Both of my daughters finished the month having met their NaNo goals!  YAY Ella and Melinda!

I find my children to be my best encouragement.  They are awesome.  I so enjoy reading my stories to them or talking through my ideas.  We spend a lot of time brainstorming ideas.  Some of these they take to their computer and write themselves and some of these ideas are mine to play with.  Just the other day Ella came up to me all excited.  We have been studying the Civil War.  She has taken a liking to Stonewall Jackson.  After our discussion that day, it was decided that she is going to do a research report on him.  Then she is planning on taking this research and turning it into an alternate history story... What if the south had won the war.  :)  Another of our discussions has turned into my current project, another short story.  I think that we could spend most of our time just researching and then writing and we would be very happy.

Oh, and on this line of thought, I am pretty new to this short story thing.  I wrote a few back in college.  These were horrible.  I decided then and there that I could not write short stories.  They were just bad!  Well, this summer I was told that I should write a short story or two.  So I have been thinking about it the last few months.  I finally got around to doing it this fall.  So far I have written two.  My kids give them a thumbs up.  But I do think that they might be considered a biased audience.  I sent the first of these out this week.  I guess I will soon see what a not so biased audience thinks.  I did enjoy writing them.  So after 20+ years of thinking that I was never going to write short stories again, I have changed my mind.  They still feel much harder for me than novel writing.  But on the plus side I can get them written a whole lot faster.  This seems like a good place to stop.  :)  It is time I get started on that ocean story of mine.

To Bravely Go To The Post Office

When I sat down here, I thought I knew exactly what I was going to write about. I mean there are tons of writer things that have been happening in the last couple of days. Of course it is NaNoWriMo Day 6. I haven't written today. Well, not on my novel. I may not. But I might, that I still don't know. I also finished getting everything ready to send out my second novel yesterday. That is a scary process. It feels somewhat different than the first one. I have been trying to sort out why. But I am not sure I have completely figured it out yet.

One way that this is different of course is I feel differently about this story. This story is a different piece of me. But I don't think that has much to do with these actual feelings.  Unless of course the repeated act of doing these things makes them feel more real to me, like I have more to lose.  But that would also mean I would have more to gain.

Another way is different is because the place I have decided to send it to does not want electronic submissions. So before when Ella told me “It's only an email.” as I sent the novel out, well that just doesn't work here. I had to go and get the pages of the manuscript, the cover letter, and the synopsis printed today. I actually held those papers in my hand. I put them into the hands of the man at the post office. I paid for postage. This submission actually cost me money. All of this makes it different, more real.

As I was sitting there at Office Max, I just felt ill, like I might throw up. WOW! This is real! I had to make myself go inside. Then I had to go to the post office. This did not help my feeling of nauseousness. I am not sure I feel any better here hours later. Now I wait. I wonder what will happen and who will be reading my words. And what I can do differently or better next time.

Brave is Best! Brave is Best! Brave is Best!

Brave

to meet or face courageously

The word bravery is a synonym of courage: courage usually suggests fearlessness or the overcoming of fear in the face of danger.

I am not sure sending a novel out qualifies for danger. Not real danger. But it is something I do seem to fear. It is a part of me that I have kept hidden away most of my life. A part of me I protected from the world. So today I bravely went to the post office. It sounds funny to say those words. Maybe that is what will make it easier for me to do it the next time and the next time. I also think it makes it easier for me to write about it here. Once this was a place that only I came, a secret place. But just knowing that other people are out there, that other people see these things makes me stronger.

One more note about today... November 6^th

Today would be my grandpa's birthday. I knew that this would be the day I sent out my story. I didn't really plan it. I sat down Sunday night and knew that I would be finished with everything on Monday. But my schedule told me that I wouldn't get to go to town until Tuesday. Then I saw the dates. I would be sending out my story on Grandpa's birthday, another perfect day. A story for Grandpa.  Happy Birthday Grandpa!  Let me tell you a story.

And so it begins...

Today is NaNo 1, 2012.  This day brings excitement.  This day brings fear of failure.  This day brings happiness and dancing.  This day brings cleaning out my closet.  Let me break it down for you.

Excitement:
This is the beginning of the month.  Right now anything could happen.  Who is that story really going to be about?  What are they going to do?  Oh, my gosh, and I really going to be able to get 50,000 words and more importantly am I going to be able to finish the story by the end of the month?  I want to run.  I want to write.  I want to sit quietly alone and do this thing.

Fear:
Yes, and not just fear..  But fear of failure.  In 2010 when I first did NaNoWriMo.  I didn't believe that I could do it.  I just wanted to write again.  I wanted to make a point of writing every day.  And two weeks in, I hated my story.  I wanted to start over.  I didn't write for days.  I didn't know what I was going to do.  But then a miracle happened.  The miracle of NaNo as I see it now.  I just wrote.  I told myself it didn't matter if it sucked.  I was writing for me.  And I needed to do it.  It was hard.  I was behind.  But I did it.  I finished.  And since than, I have done NaNo 2011, two camp NaNo's in June and July of 2011, and my own personal NaNo in April 2011.  Each time I ended the month with over the 50,000 words.  I finished.  But will I be able to do it this time.  I fear that I won't each and every time that I start.  Because I have finished, I don't want to fail.  I know I can do it.  Even if it is hard, I want to do it.  This year, I told myself I was going to cheat.  That I was going to write part of a novel, while also working on the submitting and editing part of my other novels.  But even as I say those things to myself, I know I want to finish that novel.  I want it all.  But is there enough time in the day.  What will I exclude so that I can write?  I am afraid of failing.

Happiness and dancing:
That is easy, doesn't writing fill everyone with happiness and dancing?  hehe.. Well, it helps that my kids are doing NaNo with me.  It helps that I read my story to them, sometimes as I write it.  It helps that they get excited with me.  We dance, we laugh, we talk about our stories while we work on other things.

Cleaning out my closet:
This I wish I was talking about the closet of my mind.  I wish I meant cleaning the todo list so that I had time to write.  But I don't.  I mean I was actually going through my closet today.  I wanted to write.  But to start writing meant to me that I was committing to finishing this project.  Had I started with a blog entry, or a synopsis, or any other writing that I was going to add to my word count as I NaNocheated this November, it would have been different.  But no, here on November 1st, I started with my novel.  I started with the words of my story.  I stared at the screen, wondering how to start.  Then I looked at the pile of things in the bottom of my closet, clothes and shoes I needed to go through, Christmas presents that needed to be wrapped, craft projects that lets face it...I might never finish.  So of course I walked away from my computer and I cleaned the closet.  hehe... Just a little.  There is still plenty in there to distract me from writing tomorrow or the next day.

But finally, I went out to my car and got my mp3 player.  I changed the battery.  I sat down with my computer and I started to write.  It was a good start.  I would like to get some more written even today.  But life has lots of things going on around me.  I need to breathe.  I need to know that if I do not finish my novel this November it is okay.  I will write every day.  And it might be very important for me to finish that synopsis for my other story.  Or maybe I need to research something else.  And that will be okay too.  I want to try and finish, I know that too.  

It is okay for me to dream.  It is okay for me to want things that seem like I can never have them.  It is okay to just sit in that quiet place and get to know my characters.  There are lots of things that I need to and should be doing this November.  And one of them is writing.

So here is my new pen, my reward for my rejection letter.  Here is my new notebook for NaNoWriMo.  And here are the very first words of my new novel.

Eve of NaNoWriMo

Today had to be a near perfect day. I woke up this morning and nearly the first thing I did was check my e-mail. Sitting there in my inbox was something I had been expecting. To say I had been hoping for it would not be quite right. :) But there in my inbox this morning was my very first rejection letter for the very first of my writing that I had submitted to a publisher. It is funny, the word rejection should be a negative thing. But for me today this was huge. I had actually sent my words out there for someone to look at them who might have actually published them. WOW! Now of course had they told me, yes Lisa went want your novel, that would have been better. That would have truly been a surprise. I have heard from so many people that you have to do this over and over. So guess what I will be doing tomorrow. I will get this story ready to send out to the next one.

Also this week I have finished my synopsis for my second novel. I need to look over it one more time and get everything ready to send that one out as well. So hopefully by the first of next week I will have two of my stories on someone's desk. And I will be a couple of days into NaNoWriMo, working on writing my 4^th novel. We will see how NaNo goes this year. I haven't started writing yet and I am already feeling short on time. I think in December I will be finishing the editing on my third novel as I let this fourth on rest a bit. It is sort of amazing to think that in November 2010, just two years ago I was starting to write my first novel. (or at least the first one I finished) This is the novel I just got the rejection letter for.. On the Eve of NaNoWriMo 2012. What a perfect day!

Today after finishing preschool, I took my kids out to lunch to celebrate. We stopped at the store and bought a special pen for me to start writing with tomorrow. I also printed my rejection letter.  I want to hang it on the wall.  Proof that I am actually doing something.  A sign for me on the days I feel like I'm not doing anything.  And something for me to aim for, turning that in to a novel!  

All three of my kids are going to be writing with me again this November. Wow, there are going to be so many words flying around my house. Good thing we stocked up on chocolate Trick or Treating tonight! 2 ½ hours and I can start writing. I can't wait!

Here is the picture Melinda drew for me today.  It is filled with words.  Words for us to put into our stories.  Happy NaNoWriMo Eve!

Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time there was a little girl.  

She loved her grandpa most of all.  

And he loved her.  

They were everything to each other.

 

Grandpa was love.

Grandpa was fun.

Grandpa is forever.

We went fishing. 

Hours on the boat.  

Hours at the lake.  

Time with him.

Grandpa was a ferris wheel man.  

He ran the ride before I was born.  

And after, every year of my life I rode the ferris wheel with him at the county fair.

I remember the tricks he played.

I remember the games he taught me.

He took me to "garbage" sales.

We went to CooCooWiches.

But we never made it there.

My grandpa's overalls.

My grandpa's Butter Rum candies in his pocket.

My grandpa's stories.

My grandpa's smile.

My grandpa's love.

I cannot write his story, not his stories.  They are memories fading in my mind.  I can remember pieces little bits of them.  I cannot keep that promise I made to myself to write his stories.  But I can write.  I can write for me and for him, my favorite storyteller, my grandpa!

Once again..

As I waited once again to sit there in the funeral home, I knew suffocating stillness.  The same as every funeral since my grandmother died in 2008, I felt the same sadness.  There is a missing piece, a place in my heart that hurts for my grandpa.  He had a stroke my first week of college, way back in 1988.  Then he was in a wheel chair until he died in 2000.  I had 12 years to say goodbye to him.  But that was not enough time. When grandma died 4 years ago, I had to say goodbye to him all over as I said goodbye to her.  It was when everything had to change.  Before that we still went to Grandpa and Grandma's house.  Their stuff was still on the walls and the shelves.  There has been so many funerals in the past 4 years.  My family sits there in that same room in those same chairs.  Each piece of our family hurts.  Some of it is the same pain some of it is new.  As I watch the silent tears fall from the eyes of those I love I feel not only my pain but theirs.  We smile and hold each other.  We talk of happy memories.  We tell stories.  We look at pictures.  And when we leave we hope for times not like these..  We hope for weddings and baby showers.  We hope for picnics in the park.  And most of all we hope not to see each other once again in this place of tears.

Pretending, Preparing & Practicing

This week has been filled with “P” words for me.

Pretending to be a writer. Preparing to be a writer. Practicing to be a writer.

Deseray was doing a Writer's Workshop at the library on Wednesday. Now normally I wouldn't have had the chance to drive down and be a part of that. But circumstances in my personal life all fell into a strange sort of place and made it not only possible, but it seemed like I was supposed to drive down and be a part of that activity. I was actually pretty excited to be going down there to do that. It was Deseray and I who as children sat on the floor of her bedroom and acted out the dialog for the story that we were writing. We made up several imaginary worlds that we played in as well as wrote about. So this Writer's Workshop was something I was looking forward to doing with her during this rather stressful time of my life.

I packed up my writing bag, the bag that I had sewn on my NaNoWriMo badges. I filled it with tools that I might find useful. I didn't know who was going to be there. I was bringing my own children. They are all writers. The girls love to write their own stories and scripts. Zeb claims not to be a writer. But he writes his own game blog. I didn't know if there would be other children there or if it was going to be adults. So in my bag I packed my Rory Story Cubes, my Storybook game, my notebook that I had written one of my novels in, “No Plot, No Problem”, and the other 'writer' book I am reading as well as the book I am taking notes in about what I read there. Oh, and of course I packed my laptop, with my bookmarks for NaNoWriMo, and all of my favorite author blogs and pages.

Well, lets just say I didn't get much writing work done that night. But I did have fun making up silly stories with my dice.

Also this week, I have been working on getting one of my novels sent out. Wow, that is something. One moment I am excited. The next I am sure that I will not be doing that. It can't be the right time for that. But yesterday I did it. :) Actually it was my daughter who pressed the send button for me. I had been sitting at the table all ready to go. Ella looks at me and say, “It's only an email.” I do love my kids. I was making too big of a deal about it. It was only an email. So I just went ahead and attached the files and finished the email. I decided to let her press the send. As my words were flying away from me through cyberspace, my youngest daughter tells me, “It's okay Mom, if they say no, I will cheer you up.” So now I have to brag a little.. My children are the smartest people in the world!

Now that one of my stories has moved out into the world, it is time for me to open the door and push another one out. I will try to have the second out ready to send next week. Hopefully this time will be easier, isn't the first time of doing anything supposed to be hard? But then it gets easier as you do it over and over. Well, I hope so. I want to get that finished and out of the way before November. Because I once again want to be a part of NaNoWriMo. I only have 12 days to get ready for that. I would like to get some sort of outline or at least a bit of an idea of where I want to go with that new story before November 1^st. But we will see. I seem to be the type (at least the last 2 years) to just let the words and characters do what they want to do. I am looking forward to writing new words again.

I know that the next several weeks are going to be filled with pretending, preparing, and practicing being a writer.

Synopsis

syn·op·sis   [si-nop-sis]

noun, plural syn·op·ses  [-seez]

1. a brief or condensed statement giving a general view of some subject.
2. a compendium of heads or short paragraphs giving a view of the whole.
3. a brief summary of the plot of a novel, motion picture, play, etc.

This doesn't sound like a big deal. This doesn't sound like it should be a hard thing to do. But for some reason, this is something that I have been avoiding. When looking at submitting one of my novels, I see that I must send a synopsis to many of the publishers. So then the question before me is how do I summarize and condense all of those words into a few short pages or paragraphs? What can I say about my story that will make an editor actually want to read it?

This is similar to when someone asked, “What is your novel about?” I find this a very difficult question to answer. I am sure that given time and practice I might be able to more easily answer this question. Just as writing a synopsis will likely become more easy. But for me, writing the words of my story was easy. It was fun. I enjoyed this time. This, what I am doing now, is work. But I suppose it is something I must learn to do if I have any hope of actually doing this thing. Baby steps.

Yesterday I started making an outline for my story, chapter by chapter. Yes, this might seem backwards. Shouldn't I have written an outline before I wrote the story. Well, my answer here is, maybe. But I didn't. At one time I had all of the pieces written on notecards so that I could move them around to see how best they fit together. If I knew where those cards might be it would have been easy to use them for this outline of my synopsis.

So the last two days I have worked through my story, pulling out the most important bits. All in all it didn't take that much time. 15 minutes here, 20 there. Last night I finished the last chapter. I guess this means that today, I will have to start putting the words of the outline together and see what I end up with. Hopefully it won't be something horrid.

Hehe.. So what is my story about anyhow? Well, it is about this girl, who... I think it still needs a little work.

Road Blocks

The last two weeks it seems that where ever I go, I end up on a road that is closed. On several of my drives I turn after coming across one of these road blocks only to take yet a different road that is also closed. On my next drive I choose a different path so that I will avoid these closed roads. But somehow, I still end up finding another road closed sign. It seemed almost a joke until today when I sat down to think about it. It then actually felt more like a symbol of my life. I see things moving in one direction only to be stopped in my tracks by a road closed sign. So I turn and change my course, only to discover that path also blocked.

I am still not completely sure what this means to me, other than the State of NE has a lot of road crews out working right now. But I do know that it is time for me to find a different path. I am a little bit worried that this path is not on any map that I have looked at. But I guess the worst that can happen is that at the end of the path I find another Road Closed sign and I have to turn around and go a different direction.

I have been given a deadline of Friday by He Who Must Not be Named. (Or Jay Werkheiser) I will blame, or give credit where it is due. :) Yes, I am supposed to send something out by Friday. That is only five days from now. When I hear those words they are different than when I say them. And when I say those words they are different than when I type them. When they are in my head it is only me who I will be accountable to. But when I type them here, when I post this, then those will not have been just words in my head.

This is exactly the reason that I am posting those words tonight. This is going to be a very busy week for me. I have many things that I have to do or take care of this week; work, school, my kids, things in my life I have little control over but need to take care of just the same. But I will also spend some part of each day writing. This will be writing something new. I will also spend some part of this week making sure that by Friday I will have some of my words ready to send out for a stranger to read. WOW! Did I really say that? Friday. Five days from now I will step out of my nest and test those wings.  And if I do fly, I do not expect to see a road closed sign in the air.

Believe I Can Fly.. Part Two

Now for the 'Habits' that if find more difficult.
Setting ambitious but achievable goals:

This is something I have a hard time with.  I can set writing goals, as in writing every day or writing a certain amount of words per day.  But anything farther than that and I question if it is achievable.  I know that this is because I have never had anything published and even more than that I have never even sent anything out.  It all comes down to the fact that I am a chicken.  I have always been a secret writer.  This has been a part of me that I have not shared with many people.

I suppose if I had to tell myself anything it would be that I am at that point.  I am standing on the edge of the cliff.  I could just sit here in my nest where I am safe and write for myself.  This would be safe, and I am not sure there is anything even wrong with this.  But the question now is not whither I will write or not.  Because I know I will write.  But will I write with the intent to share those words with others.  Will I jump out of that nest and see if I can fly?

But that is scary!  I have only ever let a handful of people read the things that I have written.  Am I strong enough to keep on writing if I send it out and someone tells me it is terrible.  For a time I had nearly stopped writing.  I found my way back again two years ago.  Being able to write again has made me a whole person.  It has brought things back to my life that I can't believe I let go of.  I do not want to lose that part of me again.

And there is another part, another habit, that I find difficult.
Finish what I start and submit what I finish:

Over the last two years, I have been really good at finishing what I start.  I work hard at getting the entire novel written.  I do not stop until it is finished.  But the second part of that... Now that is where I am stuck.  I told myself that in June I was going to send at least one of my stories somewhere.  June has come and gone. I did not send anything out.  Then I said I want to have something ready to send out by WorldCon.  I went to Chicago.  I had one of my stories "I think" ready.  But yet I have not sent it out.

I keep telling myself, I need to read through it one more time.  I need to find the perfect place to send it off to.  But still I sit right here on the edge of my nest.  I look out at the world beyond me.  I want to believe that I can jump and that I will not fall to the ground.

The good thing about all of this, is that I have told enough people what I am doing.  I have told them I wrote a story.  (The word novel I still find hard to say.  But here in this post I am trying to make that more real.)  People will come up to me and ask.  A week ago it was my Aunt who asked.  Two days ago it was my son. These people are making me accountable.  They are making me feel like I need to, well, at least try.

My first finished novel is about a girl (a writer) who learned to believe.  She had forgotten and lost a part of herself.  In this and so many other ways that girl in my story is me.  In the end she learned that she could fly!  She learned to believe.  Maybe for me to be truly finished with that story, that novel, I have to learn to believe myself.

Believe I Can Fly... Part One

Today midst the lessons with my children I read a chapter of the book I am currently reading.  I had not gotten far into the chapter when I found myself looking for a notebook.  I needed to start taking notes.  I wanted to remember some of the things I had just read, and I wanted to make my own comments on these things.  After I finished reading the chapter, I had 6 pages of hand written notes in my notebook.  Yes, I know, I seem a little crazy even to myself at times.

But now I am going to be taking those notes and attempt to use them as an outline for the rest of this blog post.

This chapter was discussing several habits that I as a writer should work on.  Or maybe better said, if I wish to be a writer I should work on making these 7 things into habits.  As I read through each of them and the authors thoughts on them, I noticed that some of them I was already able to do.  Others I had not yet done.   Some of them I can do, but don't always.  So I guess they are not really habits.

The first is to write daily.  I have heard many people say this.  I have said this myself.  I do this nearly every day.  Not all of the writing I do is one of my novels.  But I do make an effort to do some sort of writing work every day.  For me to feel that it is truly a habit, I believe that I will have to make sure that at least some of this writing work does involve actually added new words to something that I am working on.

I find that I can take little bits of time out of my day, when I am walking or driving or even doing dishes to do some thinking about where my story is going.  I can be talking with my children and see just where that next chapter is heading.  I have begun to carry around several little notebooks so that I can jot down a note or two so I do not forget something.  I have taken notes on my cell phone as I walked in the evening.  These acts help me to keep everything in mind.  So that when I next sit down at the keyboard I am ready to write.

Another of the habits this author suggested to me was "write quickly and with Intensity."  With November just a couple of weeks away and the coming of NaNoWriMo I just have to smile.  My first completed novel came from my time in NaNo world in 2010.  Here writing quickly is a must. 1667 words per day for 30 days just to finish.  It is like winning a race!  Since 2010, I have completely 4 more NaNo months.  I know that I can do this.  But I am still worrying, "Will I actually be able to get those 50,000 words in 30 days?"  And when I think this, I have to tell myself, "If I want to I WILL!"

In regards to the Intensity part of this habit, that is harder.  I know that as I read over my words I will often feel the words.  Some of them are bound up as part of me.  They feel almost as real to me as some of my own true memories.  And best of all, when I have read my words to my children I have seen the excitement in their eyes as they figured something out.  There are times I am hardly able to stop writing.  That to me is intensity.


I will end the first part of this post with a quote that I posted on my Facebook wall after I had read it..

Sow a thought, and you reap an act;
Sow an act, and you reap a habit;
Sow a habit, and you reap your character;
Sow a character, and you reap a destiny.
                                  Samuel Smiles

I really liked this quote.  I see so many things in my life as a series of little steps.  Almost all of these start with a simple thought.  Some never go anywhere, and others?  Who knows where they might take me.  A thought today might be my destiny.

Weaving the Threads

Over the course of the last couple of years, I have been thinking a great deal about how writing is like weaving. We use our words as threads. These threads are woven together into sentences and paragraphs. As we continue to weave the characters, the plots, and the ideas together we weave our words into stories. I like this idea. It makes me happy. I believe that it is an easy way to see what it is that I am doing as I sit in from of my computer or hold a blank piece of paper in front of me.

I have been using this idea as I write. I see the threads of the story. I see how I can cause them to change the look of the fabric. I see how as the words are woven together they create something that could only have been imagined by me. Just as the words that someone else uses can only be used to create their own fabric.

Over the weekend, I was thinking of this idea of weaving in a completely different aspect of my life. The last two years of my life have been years of change for me. I have spent a great portion of the last two years thinking. Now just so that anyone who reads this might have a bit of understanding of where I am coming from I will have to share a bit of information I might not normally share with the rest of the world. But in August of 2010 my husband and I decided to get separated. Clearly when something like that happens it is a huge change, a turning point in your life.

But how does this fit into my idea of weaving words together? This past week, I was sewing garb for my daughters to wear to the Ren Faire. This event is something that we have enjoyed for many years. We were excited to be going. But this year it was different. This year was the first time I had taken my children alone. Now, I had gone to the Ren Faire without my husband, in the last two years. But that had been with my friends, not my children. So once again the events of my life caused me to think.

As I sat there at my sewing machine, I was looking at the fabrics I was using. I saw the threads that were woven together to make the fabric. Now if you have ever sewing something, you know that often you must use a seam ripper to tear out something that you had sewn together. It was then that I saw my life. Not only did my words weave together to make a story. But my life was woven by threads. People, ideas, dreams, things I like, things I want.. these were all threads in the fabric of my life. These are the things that make me who I am.

Some of these threads are only a tiny bit of the fabric. Some of these threads are woven throughout the fabric; it would not be the cloth that it is without them. The things that I value, the things that make me who I am; these are the threads that you see in the fabric of my life. These threads have changed over the years. But if you look back at them you can clearly see them. You can see the changes.

My life: So much of who I was had been wrapped up in my marriage. It was a huge part of my life, maybe it was my life for the last 14 years. Then in 2010, it was ripped apart. I knew that I needed time. I asked for time. I did not want to decide anything for at least a year. I know me. I had to be able to step away from all of that. I had to not think about any of that for a while. I was very lucky that I have been able to do that. My parents have been a large reason why I have been. And I am very grateful to them for that.

I did take that year to NOT think. I took a year to NOT do anything. I took a year to just take care of my children and myself. This is not to say that I didn't think about the future or what I wanted or what I needed. But just that I knew I didn't have to do anything about it.

The threads of my fabric were torn, they were broken. I needed to figure out which of those threads I needed and wanted in my fabric. I want you to visualize something here. Think of a piece of cloth that has been ripped apart. Even one where the fabric has been cut carefully with a pair of scissors. All along the edge are the broken threads. These are the places where things will fray. This is where it can be pulled away from the rest of the fabric.

I now see life like that. Some of those threads were pieces of my husband woven together with me. Some of those threads were dreams or interests that we shared. Some of them were me as I was woven together into his life. Some of them were our children and their lives.

These are the things I have been thinking about for the last two years. I have been trying to find out who I am. I have been trying to find out what I value. I have been trying to find out what I need. I still don't know the answers to this. Sometimes I find a thread and I pull on it just a little. I think it is something that I do not need. But then as I keep looking I notice that maybe it is more deeply woven into who I am than I thought. Maybe I look back at my life and I notice that there was a thread or something or someone who I was a long time ago. But I haven't seen it in the fabric for a very long time. Then I wonder why? I look at these things and have to evaluate if they are something that might be me. But didn't fit when it was us. Does this thing now have value? Is it part of me?

I have been very slowly finding myself. I am not sure that anyone is able to completely do this. New threads are always being brought into the fabric. And this is good.

Now if someone was to ask me “What I am going to do?” I am not sure even after two years that I am ready to answer that question. But I am closer. I know somethings that I don't want to do. I know somethings that I do value and I want as a part of my life. But the important thing here is that I am ready to do something. I still need to look very carefully at the threads that I am using to weave this cloth. I need to try and see what I want it to look like when I am finished. I have started to zigzag those raw edges back together.

September 11, 2012

There have been so many posts and pictures on Facebook today about September 11. There have even been discussions around the table at lunch about where we were when the towers were hit by those planes. I can tell you exactly where I was when it was happening. I was sitting in my living room holding tightly to my babies as I watched everything on TV. Zeb was only 3 years old and Ella was 1. I held them both on my lap. I hardly wanted to let them out of my sight. Clearly my town was not going to be a target. But yet I was scared, I was worried about what was happening. I was sad and hurting for all of those people and their families. That day I called my parents, I talked to my husband of the phone a couple times at least, I spoke with my friends. I needed to make sure that everyone I cared about was just fine. I needed to make sure they knew that I was thinking about them. September 11, 2001 is truly something I will never forget.

But right along with these memories, and only two years later, I can tell you again exactly where I was and what I was doing on the morning of September 11. This was September 11, 2003. I was laying in a hospital bed watching all of the TV footage and listening to everything that was playing about “Remembering September 11, 2001.” Though this September 11, two years later was a good and wonderful thing for me, as my daughter Melinda Johanna was born that morning. Melinda is 9 years old today. Part of me wants to protect her from all of the sad memories that her birthday brings to so many people. I want to make sure that it is a happy day for her. Even as we do this, we also talk about what happened on September 11, 2001. It is something that all of them need to know about.

So remembering September 11th brings about all sorts of emotions for me.

Chicon 7

The 70^th Worldcon - The World Science Fiction Convention

This was my first convention ever and to say that it was amazing is a huge understatement. From the moment we walked into the door it was like I was home. These were 'my' people. They were people who were interested in the same things as I am. They think about the same things as I do. They were doing or had done the same things as I want to do. I was not just that Nebraska farm girl who was interested in odd things. I was just one of thousands of others who was excited about the upcoming episode of Doctor Who and liked geeky things.

Part of me felt so much like a fan girl. I was just amazed that I would find myself in the same room as so many authors, Neil Gaiman, David Brin, or George R.R. Martin and so many more. I had read the words that they had written and here they were sitting only feet away from me. There were so many things to see and do that it was hard to figure out what I wanted to do.

And yet so much of what I got out of the weekend had nothing to do with that. I had promised that Thursday, the first day of the convention, I would start using the word 'writer' to describe me. This is still something that I find hard to do. Words are powerful. They mean something to me. I have been working the last several months on editing two of my 'novels.' This is another word that I find hard to use when talking about my own words. To say that I write stories, is much easier than to say I am a writer or that I wrote a novel.

Being able to sit at a table in the bar or in the SFWA suite with others, people who are writers and editors, well that was just incredible. But the most incredible thing about it was that many of the things they were talking about were my own fears. They were questions that I had been asking myself. They were talking about their work and things they did, and I found out that I did many of these things myself. These people made me feel that maybe I am a writer. Maybe someday I will be sitting there at the bar talking while someone is listening and wondering if they might someday be able to do this amazing thing themselves. It made me feel just a little bit more brave about the next steps that I need to take to make that happen.

Chicon 7 was an adventure that I will remember for the rest of my life! I can't wait for Lone Star Con 3 next year.

Star Wars

Today we watched the three original Star Wars movies, not the CGI edited movies, but the movies that I watched in the theater when I was a child. Now of course this was not the first time my children had seen the movies. We have watched all of them quite a few times. I do think that it was the first time that we had watched them all in one day.

As I sat there and watched these very familiar movies with my family I thought of or felt several interesting things. One of the first things I noticed was how funny it was that the kids were playing like they didn't know what was going to be happening. Is Darth Vader really Luke's father? And many other comments and questions were spoken as we watched. It was fun to pretend with the kids that this was the first time we had seen these movies. Of course as they were pretending, I was remembering just what it was like to have watched them that first time. And then to have to wait for years to see the next part of the story unfold, to have my questions answered. I loved Star Wars! I still love Star Wars.

The music can actually affect how you are feeling while you are watching the movie. I am not sure if this is because I have seen them so many times and I actually do recognize the songs. Or if it is just the power that the music has over us as we watch.

Even though I can quote many parts by memory, there are still those scenes that bring tears to my eyes. There are scenes the make me shiver with anticipation, or fear, or knowledge of what is going to happen. As I watched the movies today, I actually typed into my word processor several phrases that I quoted in my head before they were said by the actors. These are words that are now, it seems, a permanent part of my memory.

I will end this post with one of my favorite quotes from each movie.

(This is really hard for me to choose. I might have to have more than one.)

Star Wars

Obi-wan: “Strike me down and I will become more powerful than you can imagine.”

Empire Strikes Back

Leia: “I'd rather kiss a wookie.”

Han: “That can be arranged.”

Vader: “Obi-wan never told you what happened to your father."

Luke: “He told me enough. He told me you killed my father.”

Vader: “No. I am your father.”

Return of the Jedi

Yoda: “When 900 years old you reach, look as well you will not.”

Emperor: “You, like your father, now belong to me.”

Anakin Skywalker: “Just for once let me look on you with my own eyes.”

Operation Touchonaut ;)

Today was Astronomy Day at Morrill Hall. My kids and I love Astronomy Day. This was not our first time going to Astronomy Day. But it was a very special day for us. Today we got to see our very first LIVE astronaut. Clayton Anderson was going to be there speaking to us about his time on the shuttle and at the space station. We wanted to get there early as we did not know how many people would be there waiting to see him.

When we drove up to Morrill Hall we knew that we were a bit early the doors would not even be open for about 15 minutes. There were people already lining up outside. As we stood waiting for the museum to open I got a chance to look around at the others there with us. I quickly noticed that it was not just Melinda and I who were wearing our geek girl clothes. We were wearing our NASA shirts. The day before Melinda had talked about how she wished that she had solar system pants and a planet head band. Little things like these make me smile every day. There was one mom with her three kids, all of them were wearing different cool science related shirts. (Later in Clayton Anderson presentation I saw that family again.) While we were waiting outside, Ella and Axel spent some time drawing. Ella drew a picture of an Earthrise from the surface of the moon. When she showed me the picture she said that she wanted to get it signed by the astronaut. :)

Once we were inside, we started looking around at all of the stations. We started in the basement as we wanted to be close to the room when it was time for the presentation. The first station we went to was the Nanoscience department of UNL. They had there for us to see something I want. It was a shirt made with nanotechnology. She had poured a cup of water into the pocket of this shirt. The water was not soaking into the fabric (which felt like fabric). We thought it might be fun you use this as a cup and have a straw in your pocket. ;) She also gave up models to fold into buckyballs.

While we were standing there talking, Clayton Anderson walked passed us. :) YAY! Exciting. Of course there was still quite a bit of time before his presentation. So we continued down the hallway, stopping at each of the stations. We saw rockets, planes, playing in low gravity. When we had finished all of them in the basement, we went to find our seats.

WOW! I should have been an astronaut. I loved hearing and seeing all of the things that he had to show us. I had goosebumps as I watched from the space station as the sun rose on the Earth. So cool. When he had finished speaking we all got to stand in line to get his autograph. :D He not only signed pictures for us. But he also wrote on Ella's Earthrise picture. I will have to get that scanned and added here along with our autograph picture. I then want to get all of these framed. :)

After the presentation we continued our learning on the main floor. :) Robots, telescopes, laser, and a trip to Mars. I am sure that I have forgotten a few of the things we saw. But when it was all said and done, I am not sure what I want to be went I grow up. ;) I think my kids were wondering the same thing. It was fun to watch Ella talking to the college students about the low gravity flight. Hmm. Between the Nanoscience and the engineering department, maybe I can keep here here in Nebraska. ;) Mel was quiet but listened closely to all that everyone of them said. And Zeb was most interested in the Shuttle landing simulation and controlling the robots.

Why Welsh is Important to Me

A gentle breeze blows hot through the tall grass. In the midst of a vast prairie a little girl sits watching the clouds pass overhead on their slow journey. She turns her head as she hears the sound of a bird from the woods behind her. She closes her eyes and thinks of the bird sitting on the branch of a tree. Who does the bird there sing for? And then her mind drifts off to follow that thought. The girl oft would dream of far off lands, of castles, and people of old. There a knight, a wizard, a king would pass by upon the road as they travel to someplace unknown. Perhaps one night a bard would sing her a lullaby. The sound of his harp whispering in her ear as she lay down to sleep. At times it would seem as if she could see, or hear, or touch these places. Though they remained only in her mind and in her play.

As she grew and learned these things would come to her in different forms. Words from paper now came alive, books she read would bring her over and over again to these places she had dreampt so often of. They would pull her in and bring her to some new found wonder. The girl would only finish one story, then to feel the need to find another. For years, this, the stories of others upon paper and the moving images upon a screen seemed to satisfy the longing she had.

Until it seemed the stories themselves sought another path. The girl still growing there upon the rolling prairie, would sit and dream. And to her mind would come near visions of the tales yet unknown. She could see it all so clearly as if no longer a girl there upon the prairie surrounded by row after row of corn growing all around. She was Ola, with bare feet she ran across wooden bridges. She played in the village and ran through the trees. And she, as Ola, saw through dream and mist. She had to run. She had to save him. There in the cave near their home, though miles away, she saw the dragon that sought her brother. And so she ran to him. Ola ran to find her brother and the dragon. Did she find him? Or was she too late?

And later the girl, now Beria with sword and bow would go with Andrid across the lands. Wavering images in pools and messages left on walls now guide them. All the secrets there to find, as the right-wise king would soon be brought to his throne.

Then she was Bella, as she fought her way out of darkness back to Aiyah and Jack. Bella flies on dragon's wings to the castle there in the mountains high as all the memories return to her. So many people did she become as the tales would play themselves out in her mind. She could see it all so clearly. And then with ink and paper did she begin to tell these, her own tales. Her memories at times almost seemed mingled with the memories of the characters that she created. She shared their feelings, their hopes, their dreams.

The girl, now grown, yet still it seems the words flow as a spring of water from her mind. The tales have changed. How many names does she count now as her own? With ink and paper, or fingers and keys the streams of words come to life. The cold stone walls, bright colorful pennants blowing in the breeze, towers in the sky, she has dreampt of many castles through the years. Yet with her eyes never beheld one truly. What of all the kings she had known? Or magic thus controlled?

She sits here in this quiet place and watches yet the corn that grows. The world like her has changed o'er time. There now exists a vast and growing web that circles round the world itself. Through these little shimmering strands, through these spider webs that bind us close, the girl reaches out. She learns of things, and sees with images of places far away. Maybe not as far away are they as time has moved us on. These images, these words, these sources of knowledge, she uses to help her as she weaves her spells of words and ink.

Now she is Alys. She closes her eyes and sees not the corn, but waves that crash upon the beach. She sees Emrys and Evan. She is Alys and holds the babe and sees the sword and battles yet to fight and halls that must be built. Off in the quiet of the night, the sound of harp and voices mingle, to fill her with a calm and happiness.

As the words to paper come, the girl searches still to find the lands far across the prairie seas, through endless sky, and farther still over watery deeps to the distant shores. She finds the words she seeks. She sees their black designs, dark upon the whiteness of the screen and paper, but cannot understand. The words, their look, their feel, their sound, are music in and of themselves. She hardly needs the meaning, just the words, they are right and good. They are near enough for her. But then she pulls upon a different strand of web. She finds the ones who bring the meaning to the words she sought. Could she truly know and learn these words? She reaches out and grabs ahold with mind and heart and soul.

Dw i'n trio siarad Cymraeg. Dw i'n hoffi siarad Cymraeg. Dw i'n moyn siarad Cymraeg.

Walking Adventures with the Montoya's

Well, this morning I wanted to take advantage the the beautiful day and get outside before it got into the 90's.  So the kids and I got ready for our walk around the section.  Last time we had made this journey we noticed the cans, bottles and trash along the way.  So we decided to take a couple of trash bags with us, one for aluminum and one for trash.  On our way down the driveway the girls were each in charge of one of the bags.  As we walked around the curve,  Ella started yelling, “TRASH BAGS. I NEED TRASH BAGS!”  This is sort of a joke for us.  Now, I do not know how many people will remember this but it is from an episode of the A-Team. The kids and I have been watching that show the last few weeks.   In this episode, Murdock was calling for trash bags in his insane way. They would give him a bag through the bars of the cell.  Then he would jump inside of it as if it was a sleeping bag and lay down.  This quieted him down and kept the guards happy.  During the show he did this repeatedly, and gathered quite a few trash bags.  Of course there was a reason for the trash bags.  The A-team later filled the bags with hot air. Then they were attached to lawn chairs which they used to 'fly' over the walls of the prison.  (After watching Mythbusters, we all know just how this would not have worked.  We saw how much was needed to lift them into the air.)  But even so, Ella claimed that she was going to fill the bags with hot air and see if she could fly.

Back to our walk... Ella is yelling for trash bags, as both of the girls are running down the driveway with the bag billowing behind them completely filled with air.  We finally reach the end of the driveway and head out to the road.  Melinda comes up to me and says, “Wow, that was amazing.  I was flying up into the air.   It had to be at least a millisecond.  Or it might have been a little more.”

My kids make me smile so many times a day.  The whole thing was funny.  But the fact that Melinda was so sure that she had flown for at least a millisecond.  That was great.

We did not actually make it all the way around the section.  Before we had gone even 1 mile, the 'trash' bag was completely full, and the aluminum can bag almost full.  The sad thing is that we only picked things up on the south side of the road.  Then we turned around and headed back home.  So we didn't get our full walk in today.  Tomorrow it we will have to work on the north ditch.  So our walk will have to be long 2 miles until we get things all worked and clean.  But that is okay.  Maybe we will do a trash walk and a real walk once school is over, at least until it is too hot.

Sharing the Bed

This weekend the kids and I went to visit Deseray, Jeremy and Axel.  We had tons of fun and can't wait to spend some more time with them.  Well, at bedtime of course we all headed down to the basement to the spare bedroom.  The girls and I were going to share the queen sized bed and Zeb was going to sleep on the futon at the end of our bed.  I expected this to be no big deal.  Last time I had come to visit, it was Deseray, Axel and I who shared the bed.  We all seemed to have plenty of room and slept well.  It did not take me long to realize that I might have gotten more sleep if I had been on the floor.  Sleeping with one's children is not quite the same thing as sleeping with other adults.  They seem to have no concept of personal space. Or maybe it is that the younger the child the more they see their mother as their own personal space.    ;)  As they get older more space is given.

A few weeks back the four of us spent the night in a hotel.  There were two queen sized beds for the four of us.  I expected two per bed, not caring who slept in each of the beds.  As it turned out Zeb decided not to sleep with any of us.  He put his sleeping bag on the floor and slept there.  The girls shared one of the beds, leaving me with a bed to myself.  Yay!  Good night's sleep for me.

I thought of something else as I laid there in Deseray's basement with the girls curled up with me.  Whenever a group of teachers spent the night in a hotel for our teacher conventions, it was four women per room, two per bed.  But the men were two per room, one per bed.  Here I thought of Zeb.  He chose the floor rather than sharing the bed with any of us.  I wondered if this had something to do with this.

Wow, the things I think of at 3:00 in the morning as I look at the empty space on the other side of my daughters and wonder if I would have more room if I moved over there.  :)

Computer History and Me

Due to me once again being cut off from the Internet last night, I had several thoughts about computers and me. Not having access to the normal things that I would have done or used the Internet for last night (and every time that it happens here in the Internet provider dessert of middle Nebraska), I had to do other things. Haha, Like click the 'connect' button a 1,000 or more times just to see if it would actually connect this time. Or the other thought – where can I go to borrow someone else's connection?

Of course this made me start to think about my computer and in turn where it all started for me...

Way back in time, when I was in 3^rd or 4^th grade, my Dad made a most amazing purchase. He bought us a TRS-80 computer. Wow! This was such an exciting object. Never before had there been such a thing in our house. :D It was beautiful. It was magical. It had a monitor. It had a keyboard. And of course it had a cassette player. The TRS-80 only had 2 K of memory. Simple, ordinary e-mails we send out now are bigger than 2 K.

With the computer my Dad had also gotten a game. It was saved on a cassette tape. This game was a text adventure where we had to use clues to work our way through a haunted house. :D The name of the game was Haunted House. It was the most awesome thing I had known. My family and I spent hours in front of that computer trying to come up with the one or two word commands to type that would move us to the next part of the game.

get rope

take rope

use rope

throw rope

tie rope

drop rope

It was love. :D I was hooked. Computers were cool. Now, I am not sure exactly why or for whom my Dad purchased the computer. But we all seemed to enjoy it.

The computer came also with a manual to learn BASIC, which is really what the computer was for. We only had the one game you see. Over the next few months or maybe a year, my Dad worked his way through that BASIC manual. He taught himself how to program that computer to do things. During this time he made a couple more games for us, saving them on a different cassette. One of the games was Tic Tac Toe. We would play against the computer. It was not possible to beat the computer in this game. You could only hope to tie the computer. Dad also wrote a sub search text game. It was similar to our Haunted House game, with fewer details to be worked out. I seem to vaguely remember a few more things that Dad programmed but can't tell you anymore what they were.

In the back of the BASIC manual there were several programs that one could type into the computer, sample programs I would call them. I remember one of our favorites. It was our favorite for a couple of reasons; first, it was one of the shortest programs to type in – typing was not one of mine or my brothers skills at the time, and second, it was awesome. The typing was careful work. It took a long time. Often when I was finished and ran the program I found that it did not work. Somewhere I had typed something wrong or forgot something. But once you had typed all those many characters into the computer you could sit and watch as the screen was lit up, randomly, pixel by pixel. My brothers and I loved to watch this. The funny thing is that it took hours for this to happen. So we would sit and watch at it started. Then we would go outside or somewhere to play, coming back every so often to check the monitor. We did not want to miss the end when the last few pixels where lit up.

Over the next couple of years of my life I sat at the computer with that manual and taught myself how to program. I was learning another language, and this language let me communicate with the computer. I could cause things to happen. :D

10 print “Hello Lisa”

20 end

This is where my new found computer skills merged with my love of writing. My brother, Jason, and I liked to read 'Choose your own adventure' books. I could see how these books were exactly like the 'Haunted House' game. There was an amount of text followed by a question, a choice that had to be made. So I started to write my own choose your own adventure stories. This was followed by the code to put them on the computer. By now I was in the Big Room (6^th - 8^th grade) at school in Worms. Someone had donated a TRS-80 computer to us. OH YEAH! So in my free time I was also able to type my stories in for my friends at school. Those were great days. :D

Then came high school. In high school computers we were learning how to use a word processor, a spreadsheet, a database, and of course BASIC. I was happy in the computer lab. I remember the day I first used a mouse. Boy was that exciting! We had purchased a new computer at school. We, the students, sold Christmas wreaths each year to help fund our computer lab. And that year with the money we made we got to add a new computer to our lab. It was an Apple 2GS, and it had a mouse... none of us had seen or used a mouse before. This was an exciting day. There was a game, or application on that computer to help teach you to use the mouse. Flying around on the screen were several flies. You had to move the mouse around to click on these flies. This of course would kill that fly and you could move on to the next. :D Mousing skills...

There was another exciting addition to my computer world while I was in high school. This was MODEM. Now we could actually talk to someone else on the computer anywhere in the world. YAY! I was a senior. We had probably used our wreath money to buy this modem, though I am not sure about that. My math teacher had been for years offering classes through the community college to us. This way as juniors or seniors we could take some Gen Ed's during the summer and have a head start on college. I took a couple of those classes during the summer, an American History class and a English class. But then during my senior year, Mrs. C. told me that she was going to have programming class and was offering it to us. Todd and I signed up for that one. We both loved programming. So the two of us went back to our high school one evening a week that spring to work on this class. It was one of these nights that Mrs. C. put the modem into the computer in our classroom. She was so excited about it and of course wanted to show us, her computer nerd students how it worked.

Well, of course there were not many places that you could go with this wondrous piece of technology. One place we could have went was the ESU. But that was a long distance phone call, something that couldn't be wasted on playing around with students. And I am sure that there wasn't a whole lot of stuff to do or see there anyhow. So lucky for us, that one of our IBM computer was sitting in the Shop classroom and the other was in the computer lab. And even more lucky for us was the fact that there was a telephone line in each of these classrooms. So Todd went down to the Shop and I sat in the computer lab. And we used to those modems to sit at opposite ends of our school and talk to each other. :D

In college I was majoring in computer science. So of course I had a lot of time on the computer. I was in one of the two labs in our computer building, or over at the lab in the library often. Though, I never used a modem during this time. College came and went. The one notable thing to mention here is that I used my student loan money to buy myself a computer my last year of college. Haha. That was a good thing, my own computer.

Then I came back home and got my first teaching job. During those years, Deseray was still in college down at UNL. I went down there to visit her as often as I could. Those were great days, filled with all sorts of exciting things. We would often sit (in the middle of the night) in the computer lab in her dorm. She had discovered something, something it took no time at all for me to come to love. That was lambda moo. That was programmer geek's heaven. That was my Haunted House game in REAL LIFE. I met people from all over the country. I made all sorts of things. I ordered virtual pizzas and blew virtual bubbles. I wandered around room after room of amazing places created out of so many people's imagination. I needed to buy myself a modem.

It did not take me long to get that done. I put that card in my computer. And then I could 'talk' to Deseray anytime I wanted, even though we were 100 miles away from each other. And best of all, it wasn't even a long distance phone call. It took me a month to realize that the minutes that my provider allowed for me to use on my 'plan' was not enough time. I checked my money, and learned just how much more I was willing to spend on extra minutes. Then I was careful about how and when I used those treasured minutes. There are many things that I could say about those lambda moo days of my life.

Computers and the ability to connect to people with them had shaped my life. Here we jump ahead. Then I was one of the few using this technology. Now nearly everyone does. The web – www.anything.com, e-mail, Facebook, blogging. Wow the list is endless. I use my computer and the Internet for so many things during the day. And at least for me it all started with my Dad and a TRS-80 computer when I was in the third grade.

To be or not to be Brave...

I suppose that I am writing this post for a couple of reasons...

I have not written here for a while now. I have been having lots of thoughts. But have not been writing them here in this blog. So I guess I need to get back to actually writing here again. Now some of this is because I have actually been busy in other writing or computer areas. I have been talking to other people.. So my thoughts have been going there instead of here (on paper or screen). :) I have been editing. I find this very tiring. But I am happy to report that I have one of my books ready or as ready as I want to think about for now. I am still trying to decide who I should send it off to. Last night I printed out the first 50 pages of another of my books. I have yet to make a mark on those papers. But I do have them sitting here next to me with the highlight and the pen. So it is only a matter of time. The funny thing is that I think I know who I want to send this one off to. But I know I need to go over it at least one more time. The third one (book) is still on my computer. I want to save the editing of this one for the last. This is because I want to have read this as close to June as possible. My June Camp NaNoWriMo will be the second book in that 'series.' Can I actually say that word? That sounds like I am actually a writer or author. Wow, lots of BIG scary words here. And then with the computer projects; webpage, record transcription, and setting up a computer curriculum for next fall, I do not think of coming here when I am on my computer. I tell myself that I need to get some of these projects done before I can really sit down to work. I don't really think that is true. I know that it won't really work. I seem to need to at least think about writing if not actually do it. But I guess I need to actually be doing a bit of writing. Even journal-like writing here about my random thoughts.

I have actually been a bit more brave about a lot of things the last few months. Because of this, I have learned a few things about some people I know. This is pretty exciting to me. It seems to have made me feel more brave. This is actually another reason I am considering sharing this, 'my secret blog' with the rest of the world. I have to laugh at myself. Because that is actually what this is. I write here knowing that no one but myself and maybe one or two of the people I feel the safest with will read it. But now I am asking myself do I really need to do that? Blogging, isn't this something that people do, when they want someone else to read what they are saying? Hmm, not me, I have 10 blogs (I need to get a few of these updated), and a couple of private groups on FB. I do it (blog/write) just for me. lol Part of me wants to go back and read over everything. I want to make sure there is nothing here that I don't want others to see. (Including typos) lol But I am going to force myself NOT to go back and look. I have to admit, I did scan over the titles before I started typing this. And there are things there that I wouldn't normally just shout out for all of the world to hear. But then I suppose if I am truthful, I don't think I would do that with anything. I would prefer to remain mostly invisible.

I like to sit back and watch. I like the quietness. I like there not to be more then four people in the room, especially if I am going to have to talk. Even as I write this I know that it is not completely true. There are certain people that I am far from quiet with. I am far from invisible with them. I might even be able to say that I do wild and crazy things with them. But it is not the same. This sometimes makes me wonder which one is really me. And as I like to answer many questions... BOTH. :D Those worlds don't often interact with each other. This is not because they can't, but I choose the safe way.

So I will be brave. I will not go back and change, edit or erase this. I will post it. And tomorrow or the next day or at least one day in the near future, I will write here again, and I will pretend that it is still 'my secret blog.' I will actually write some of what I have been thinking about. I might even learn that I want to hear what other people will say or comment. It has been good to share and learn things about the people I know, already. And this will be a good thing as well.

Books I have been reading

March 31, 2012

I am going to start keeping a list of books that I am currently reading.  Sometimes I would like to know just what all I am reading.  There are also things that I read that I would like to share with others.  This word passed on by others I know has brought me to some of my favorite books.  So I thought I would try to tempted my friends with some of the exciting things they might find on my coffee table, my couch, bed, in my car, or my bag... or any number of other places I have a book stashed.  

Chemistry for Every Kid by Janice VanCleave

This is the newest book that I have added to my reading list.  I am not sure if it actually counts as a book that I am reading.  It may be that more correct to say that I am using it to plan help me plan our study of chemistry for this summer.

Introductory Chemistry by Zumdahl

This is another of my used bookstore purchases of today.  It will be part of my research for this summer.

There are also 3 books from the library on chemistry, as I go through them if I find them to be great value, I might mention them more at that time.

Writers Express A Handbook for Young Writers, Thinkers, and Learners by Kemper/Nathan/Sebranek

Just starting this used bookstore buy as well.  I think this might be something that I read with the kids as we do our writing this summer.  It looks as if it will be something I can use with them to help all of us to become better writers.

Wales An Illustrated History  by Henry Weisser

This book might be considered research material for my book.  Or it might be a planning tool for the trip I want to go on with the kids to Wales.  Either way I have been doing a lot of study on Wales.

It's Raining Pigs & Noddles by Jack Prelutsky

A book of silly poems.  This is one that I would like to add to my bookshelf.  It is currently borrowed from the library.  I believe my favorite poem so far is "I'm Caught Up in Infinity."  The words of the poem make up the symbol for infinity.  So as you read around the symbol, you read the poem over and over again until infinity or you stop.  ;)  I am considering making this into a t-shirt for myself.

Aliens on Vacation by Clete Barrett Smith

After the 43 Old Cemetery Road books, this is the book that I picked up to read to my kids.  Each of them had chosen a different book that they would have liked me to read to them.  As of today, we are only on chapter seven.  The story is about a boy who goes and spends the summer with his grandmother.  This is a grandmother who he really did not even know.  She runs a bording house for aliens on vacation here on Earth.  It seems that David now will be helping to keep these aliens hidden from the humans in town.  So far we have rather enjoyed the book, and I get the usually request for "Oh, come on, just one more chapter."

The 38 Most Common Fiction Writing Mistakes (And How to Avoid Them) by Jack M. Bickham

The book is pretty much what you would guess from the title.  I have been reading just about any book I can find about writing these days.  I am finding a connection there that I value.

Quiet The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain

Being without doubt an introvert, I have been enjoying reading through this book.  I am not quite halfway through it yet.  It is one of those books that I am going to be taking notes on as I read through it.  I have already found several ideas that I can see used in different parts of my life, not only by myself or in ways that I see other introverts.  I will have to keep my notes and when I finish the book add some of the things that I have believe are important from the book.

L. Frank Baum Royal Historian of Oz by Angelica Shirley Carpenter and Jean Shirley

This is a story of the life of Frank Baum the author of the Wizard of Oz series.  The kids and I have really been enjoying reading the Oz books over the last couple of years.  We have not actually finished all of them as of yet.  (There are so many books that we want to read.  ;)  and of course we didn't own copies of all of the Oz books.  But now that I have them on my kindle we will get them in between all of the other books that we have on our waiting list.)  During the time that we have been reading the Oz books we have done research on L. Frank Baum and his life.  We like to learn about the authors of the books we love.  So Royal Historian of Oz has been a good thing to add to my list of books that I am reading.  I am not yet finished with this book.  But will add my final thoughts when I have finished it.

43 Old Cemetery Road Dying to Meet You by Kate Klise

43 Old Cemetery Road Over My Dead Body by Kate Klise

These books are about an author Olive who died nearly a 100 years ago.  She was never able to get one of her books published.  She is now a ghost in her former house, a three-story Victorian mansion.  Iggy, another author, rented the house for the summer.  He has published several children's ghost stories.  But has had writer's block for around 20 years now.  And he does not like children.  He finds that the couple that he rented the house from left their son, Seymore, in his care - as part of the rental contract.

I read these two books to the kids.  We really enjoyed reading these books.  I teased the kids by saying that I only bought the books because of the picture of the three-story Victorian house on the cover.  Their are written as letters written back and forth between the characters and newpaper articles.  We really liked the books.  There is one more published that we will see about aquiring.  The forth book in the series comes out in May 2012.

Every week I could also had a pile of books that I have been reading to my preschoolers, or the history, or science books that I read for school with my kids.  But I guess those things are just a given.  I will not plan on mentioning them here until ther is something specific that I enjoyed or would like to share.