Believe I Can Fly.. Part Two

Now for the 'Habits' that if find more difficult.
Setting ambitious but achievable goals:

This is something I have a hard time with.  I can set writing goals, as in writing every day or writing a certain amount of words per day.  But anything farther than that and I question if it is achievable.  I know that this is because I have never had anything published and even more than that I have never even sent anything out.  It all comes down to the fact that I am a chicken.  I have always been a secret writer.  This has been a part of me that I have not shared with many people.

I suppose if I had to tell myself anything it would be that I am at that point.  I am standing on the edge of the cliff.  I could just sit here in my nest where I am safe and write for myself.  This would be safe, and I am not sure there is anything even wrong with this.  But the question now is not whither I will write or not.  Because I know I will write.  But will I write with the intent to share those words with others.  Will I jump out of that nest and see if I can fly?

But that is scary!  I have only ever let a handful of people read the things that I have written.  Am I strong enough to keep on writing if I send it out and someone tells me it is terrible.  For a time I had nearly stopped writing.  I found my way back again two years ago.  Being able to write again has made me a whole person.  It has brought things back to my life that I can't believe I let go of.  I do not want to lose that part of me again.

And there is another part, another habit, that I find difficult.
Finish what I start and submit what I finish:

Over the last two years, I have been really good at finishing what I start.  I work hard at getting the entire novel written.  I do not stop until it is finished.  But the second part of that... Now that is where I am stuck.  I told myself that in June I was going to send at least one of my stories somewhere.  June has come and gone. I did not send anything out.  Then I said I want to have something ready to send out by WorldCon.  I went to Chicago.  I had one of my stories "I think" ready.  But yet I have not sent it out.

I keep telling myself, I need to read through it one more time.  I need to find the perfect place to send it off to.  But still I sit right here on the edge of my nest.  I look out at the world beyond me.  I want to believe that I can jump and that I will not fall to the ground.

The good thing about all of this, is that I have told enough people what I am doing.  I have told them I wrote a story.  (The word novel I still find hard to say.  But here in this post I am trying to make that more real.)  People will come up to me and ask.  A week ago it was my Aunt who asked.  Two days ago it was my son. These people are making me accountable.  They are making me feel like I need to, well, at least try.

My first finished novel is about a girl (a writer) who learned to believe.  She had forgotten and lost a part of herself.  In this and so many other ways that girl in my story is me.  In the end she learned that she could fly!  She learned to believe.  Maybe for me to be truly finished with that story, that novel, I have to learn to believe myself.