Being a Mom

Not that this is the first time anyone has said this, not that it is even the first time I had thought it; but being a mom is hard.

Today I dropped off my two oldest kids (a sophomore and a junior) at their school.  They are going on a trip to Washington D.C.  I am so completely excited about it.  I went to Washington D.C. when I was a junior.  It was amazing.  I know they will have a great time.

But...
But watching them step onto the bus 10,000 thoughts are going through my mind.  The same 10,000 thoughts I have been having for the last week.  What if they lose their money?  What if someone steals their money?  What if they get lost?  What if they get sick?  What if they forgot to pack something?  What if after what if.

Zeb is worried about flying.  Ella said she didn't know if she wanted to leave Nebraska.  I don't care how old they are.  They are still my babies.  And when I know these things, I feel this hard stone inside my stomach.  I ask myself why I am sending them off?  Then I tell myself, they are fine.  They are going to have a great time.  It will be wonderful.

Being a mom is hard.

How many hours left until I can go and get my babies?

Summer

Finally summer is here for all of us, though you wouldn't have been able to convince me of that last night.  I stepped outside and nearly ran back into the house for a coat.

Mel and I have been finished with school for most of a month.  But we were waiting for the other two to finish.  I had been longing for the long warm days where we would all be together.  The days the we could do anything, or nothing.

And as always it seems that my dream of summer and the reality of summer are not going to quite match up.  Mel was at camp this week.  Next week Zeb and Ella get to go to Washington DC.  There are little blocks of time all over my treasured summer months that are filling up with things.  All of these things are there because we want them.  But only a week into summer vacation and I already feel the end of summer coming on.

Between board games, movies and baking cookies; I have been getting lessons planned and rearranging my empty classroom.  My ToDo list is always filled, filled with things I want or need to do.  My pile of books to read grows, just as my pile of stories to write.  Craft projects, garden, house things.

Now it is time for me to get out my thick black sharpie and mark oFf a few blocks of time on that calendar

DO NOTHING

SIT ON THE FLOOR AND HUG MY KIDS

LAUGH

READ

MAKE POPCORN

(and I almost forgot)
LEARN TO PLAY MY NEW HARP

Write or Die

Not a death threat or anything. But as I was driving my kids to school this morning, I was thinking about what I would write for my post NaNoWriMo thoughts. Of course there is always meaning in the title. A while back I watched an anime called, “Read or Die.” I was drawn to it first because of the title. Then as I watched the opening scenes, the main character wakes up surrounded by books. Every part of her apartment is covered in piles of books. Yeah, this was looking like my kind of show. Of course she had just gotten paid. Guess what she did with her paycheck... she went and bought all sorts of new books. As the show continued, I learned that she was like a paper controlling super hero. She uses her power to control paper and it forms into anything she needs, a shield, a plane, anything.

So what does this have to do with me, my NaNo 2014, and the title of this post? Well, that is a really good question. This year NaNoWriMo was very different for me. In the last 5 days of the month, I wrote 33,000+ words. I have found myself behind on my word count before, but nothing like that. I sort of expected that. I mean with school, papers to grade and lessons to plan, as well as two kids in high school, and one in middle school - all of the activities and things that I need to do I was pretty sure this was not going to be one of those 'winning' kinds of years. I had actually hoped for 30,000. (I secretly had not given up on 50,000, but I was keeping that to myself.)

So the day before Thanksgiving (no school) I sat down to write. The story came easily... and I kept writing. By Saturday morning I knew I could do it.. it would be hard, but I could do it. Then 10K words on Saturday. WOW! Most ever words in one day for me. Which left me a tiny 1800 that needed to be written on Sunday. But Saturday night, I did not want to stop writing. I was in a place in the story that was so exciting. New things were happening. Things I had not even planned at all. And I wanted to see where it was going. It was getting late and my eyes were blurry. I kept typing. But all sorts of strange typos were appearing on my screen. So I knew I needed to go to sleep. This is where the 'write or die' comes in. Even knowing I needed to sleep, I really really just wanted to write. It reminded me of the girl in the anime.

Then Sunday came. I easily finished. Or I should say reached 50,000. I am no where near finished with the story. I might be half way. But I am not even sure about that. Now, I have to get some of my 'real life work' done. Grade papers. Prepare for the coming week. I felt so horrible not writing. My characters were screaming inside my head. They still are! Some part of me has always known that I had to write. I can go for a while without writing. But eventually I have to 'Write or Die.'

The Big "A"

Right now there are no details.

Right now nothing is set in stone.

Right now the words needed to describe this do not exist.

Seeing words like

accepted,

publish,

discuss,

details, and  

contract

in an email today.

Well, that's new, and trust me I like it.

I will write more about this sometime soon.

Kodocha - An Anime Review by the Montoya Family

This is taken from the back of the first season of dvd's.



Kodocha
Sana Kurata is an 11-year-old superstar.  Her hit series, "Child's Toy," is broadcast all over the country each afternoon garnering her fame and fortune beyond any 11-year-old's wildest dreams.  It would appear her life is charmed, free of worry and regret.  However, Sana's life isn't all it's cracked up to be.  There's the constant strain of being a child star, filming her television series, commercials, and even movies.  There's pressure from her mother, an award-winning novelist, who insists Sana devour a healthy breakfast before leaving the house each morning.  And then there is her arch enemy, Akito Hayama.  Akito and his band of bullies torment Sana and her classmates each and every day.  But Sana has decided to take a stand!  She devises a plan to scare Akito straight.  Shock follows shock as Sana discovers that there's more to Akito than he would ever want anyone to know.  Might there be something in him worth redeeming?


Melinda's Thoughts:

I think you should watch Kodocha.  It's about a crazy singing girl.  She is a hyper and popular TV star.  The thing I like about Kodacha is that in a matter of seconds it can turn into a serious love drama and then into a goofy cartoon show.

I think the reason it can go from serious to goofy is that two main characters are complete opposites.  One character is a super hyper TV star.  The other one is an adult like and serious sixth grader.  The emotions on his face are very rare.

A little bit later on it is a love triangle.  Some of the characters even do things that shows affection to the hyper character.  But she sort of doesn't get the message well.

I love Kodocha because, IT'S SO RANDOM!! And because it is fun, and serious, and has love in it.  It's so hyper, that's why I like it.

The strange thing is that Zeb actually likes this show, he even said he loved it. Honestly, I thought he would have hated it, and ran away as soon as he saw the show.  He never really did like those types of shows.

The other thing I like is one moment she is comical and the next serious. It's so strange.  It doesn't mean I hate it. “I don't hate it.” (This is a comment you might not understand until you have watched the show.)

Ella's Thoughts:

Kodocha

Kodocha is about the life of Sana Karata, 11 year-old TV star.  San is a hyper girl who is almost always happy.  The show starts out with Sana's class being in total chaos.  The person behind all of this chaos is Akito Hayama.  From there Sana stops the chaos and they become friends.  But that is only the beginning.

Some things I like about Kodacha:

It makes me laugh a lot.

It can be serious when it wants to be.

Akito as a boss monkey.

Tsuyoshi snaping.

This picture.

Things I would change:

Add more Nattsumi, even though he never really had a chance with Sana. :(

Make a third season.

Favorite scenes:

When Tsuyoshi talked for Akito.

The part when Akito gave Sana the snowman.

Zeb's Thoughts:

Kodocha is an anime about an 11-year-old TV actress and her crazy and yet serious life. One of the reasons why I like this show is that it shows the characters, whom are mostly children, grow up and how they face problems as they occur. The first character that you will see is a very hyperactive girl named Sana Kurata. Other than her tendencies to randomly sing and her unconventional Mom, Sana is a mostly normal girl. Sana's foil, and other main character, is Akito Hayama, a acrophobic child whose mom died giving birth to him. His father worries mostly about his work, and his sister hates Akito from the bottom of her heart because of her mother's death. And this show was made for children.  

What I find good about this show is the character development and the story. Like I said before this show is about how they grow up. Akito, at the beginning, bullies two of the Teachers by blackmailing them and all of the girls in the classroom along with them. Sana however will not stand helplessly against the “Evil Boys” as she plots against them to stop the Bullying, especially the Boss Monkey, Akito. She soon sees that Akito is not evil, but has his own problems. She tries to help fix them. This is what I like about Kodocha.


Lisa's Thoughts:
The kids and I just finished watching the second season.  This is the second time we have watched this series.  The first time was several years ago.  The kids, especially the girls, loved it then.  But I think they loved it for different reasons this second time around.  What I remember about the first time is that it was a silly, crazy show with this hyper-active girl and her just as wild friends.  I suppose even that first time I saw and felt the serious aspects of the show.  But as we were watching it this time I noticed a few things that I thought would be fun to share with everyone.

I like how Sana's descriptions of the other characters in the opening changes as time goes on.  I guess as Zeb pointed out this would be related to the character development.  These people grow and change during the series.  We really get to know them and why they do the things they do.

There are so many times that Sana and the others are just silly.  It makes the show fun, and funny at times.  Sana puts almost everything to music.  Her mom wears the most outrageous hats/headgear.  Most of the time the headgear involves her squirrel, Maro.  The characters are so cartoon-like, I guess sort of like Bugs Bunny, silly jokes, the way Road Runner runs.  But in seconds it can change and be completely serious.  Some of the topics that they cover are death of a parent and how that affects the rest of the family, adoption and relationships with birth parents and adoptive parents, friendship, bullying, first love, divorce, abuse and abandonment.  There are of course even more.  But as you can see there are tons of very serious topics right in there between the craziness.

Scenes that just stand out for me are:
1.  When Sana's mom meets Sana's birth mother for the first time.  As the conversation finishes, Sana's mom just calmly slaps her birth mother.  This is because of how her birth mother had just left newborn baby, Sana, laying on a park bench.  Then she looks at this woman and tells her that she has nothing else to say to her and that it is Sana's turn to talk to her.  The whole scene it is just as if someone was squeezing tight my heart.  I had tears in my eyes.

2. I love the scene where Sana is pretending to be Akito's mother.  He never knew his mom at all.  She died giving birth to him.  Akito has his head laying on Sana's lap.  She is telling him that everything is okay.  She was so happy that he was born.  She loves him more than anything in the world and is happy that he gets a chance to live.  Here was the bully, and he is almost in tears from the things that Sana is telling him.. Feelings that, surely, his mom did have for him.  These things he had never felt before.  He always blamed himself for her death.  I cried here, as well.

3.  This was more of an episode, it might have even been two episodes.  Sana and Akito are going to celebrate their "Middle birthday."  Because Akito's mother died the day he was born, he had never celebrated his birthday before.  So Sana decided to fix that.  She planned a party right between their birthdays.  It is just so sweet as Akito tries to pick out a gift to give Sana.  But in the end he can't buy her anything, nothing is special enough for her.  But at the party as everyone else is leaving he goes outside and builds a tiny snowman.  Sana sees it and asks if it is her present.  He says yes.  Of course Sana is SOOO excited about it.  Then Akito tries to tell her that he likes her, "I like..  I like..."  But he just can't do it.  They are standing in front of each other and their eyes staring into the other's.  He leans in and kisses her.  WOW, so sweet!

There are so many times that this show has me in tears.  It touches my heart in so many ways.  And these are a few of the reasons that we love this anime.

Hail, tornado, and a gentle rain

Last night we had bit of a storm.  The interesting thing is that I had been thinking about this topic for the blog, but then after the storm all of it seemed to fall into place.

Yesterday, June 3rd, was the anniversary of the tornadoes that destroyed GI when I was 10 years old.  I still very clearly remember that night.  I also remember what the town looked like for years after, still seeing the damage or knowing that something that used to be there was just gone.  Then there was Tornado Hill.  And finally the book, "The Night of the Twisters."  I have read that book several times.  Scary.

We knew that there were going to be storms last night.  They had been forecasting it.  They had been reminding us that it was June 3rd and we were likely to get tornadoes again this June 3rd.  I had been prepared for storms.  But still when you hear the sound of the hail pounding on your roof, well it is just not a good feeling.

Of course the funny thing is that I had talked to the kids about the possibility of storms last night.  They all thought better to have hail than a tornado.  Hehe, like we would get to pick.  And at the time I almost disagreed with them.  But in the end I had to agree with them, if you were actually going to have a tornado knocking on your door, yes, hail would be better.  Though most tornado warnings do not bring tornadoes to your home.  Hail on the other hand, is shared with anyone nearby.

This morning it was this thought that mixed inside of my brain with that blog topic that I have been thinking about.  Lately there seems to have been quite a few loud and hurtful disagreements between several groups that I am involved with or a part of.  I have not been a part to any of these discussions, besides reading about them on FB.  Though several of my friends have been.  I am the type of person that goes and hides under a table when there is conflict.  I did not like seeing what was happening but just couldn't get involved.  Partly I feel a little on the outside of that group, just watching.  And partly it was just my duck and cover protection kicking into place.  Though I have talked about these things several times with a good friend.  He has lately been getting more involved in these going ons, not feeling like he can stand by and let things happen.

As I sit and watch and read, I find it hard to understand why it is even happening.  Don't people realize that they are hurting other people?  Are they actually trying to hurt other people?  What is to be gained from these disagreements?  I don't believe that much good can come out of something like that.

"If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."  This is something I had heard over and over again.  Mostly it is something that I live by.  Going out of your way to say something hurtful is always and only going to hurt everyone, yourself included, just like a hail storm.

The corn doesn't look too good after last night's hail.  And why should it, balls of ice were hurled at it by the 75-80 mph wind.  This is exactly what people have been doing to each other.  The things they have been saying and doing are just like that hail storm.  They might not be killing the other person, but they are causing severe damage.  But the really sad thing is that it is not just that one person who has been hurt, it is the whole field.  Every corn plant in the field is bent and ripped to shreds.  It is just the same with these arguments and disagreements.

Here is where the tornado comes into play.  A tornado could touch down.  It would completely destroy one house, or one area.  But leave the rest unharmed.  Sometimes this is also how people deal with each other.  I have seen this happen over the last several months as well.  It almost feels like there is no rhyme or reason.  The tornado just pops up, touches down and destroys something.  Then the rest of us are just sitting there wondering what just happened?  I must have missed something.  We stand there and think, "Lucky that wasn't me."

Now I know I don't have the answers.  And I know there there comes a time when you have to stand up and shout.  Trust me if anyone hurt my kids, that would be one mighty storm filled with hail and tornadoes.  But most of the time it would be best for all of us just to have the gentle rain.  It would be best to either choose not to say anything at all... or at the very least do it in a way that doesn't involve balls of ice being hurled at someone.

The gentle rain soaks into the ground.  It doesn't damage the field.  It helps it to grow stronger.

Personal Rejection

Personal rejection...
It is still a rejection no matter how personal.  I woke this morning to find one of these in my inbox.  Right now I am going back and forth between, "Wow, this is exciting!  The best I've gotten so far." And the other end of my emotions, darn it.  :(  I was really hoping this was it.

Baby steps.  Yes, this is good.  But I want to fly.

This has been a spring unlike any before.  I cannot count how many letters and resumes I have sent out looking for a teaching position.  I have even begun to expand my search to include things not so much related to teaching.  I have also been sending out or waiting for word from the stories that I have submitted.  So far all rejections, some more personal than others.  They are all making me feel very tired.

Or maybe I'm tired because my brain refuses to let me sleep.  Hehe..  Just last night, I was nearly dozing off at the computer.  This is a sure sign it is time for bed.  So I put my computer down and turned off the light.

Of course this is when my brain says, "Time to Write."

When I try to ignore it and answer, "I'm tired.  I was just falling asleep."

My brain replies, "No time for sleep.  The words will explode here unless you get them down."

I roll over grab my notebook, pen and flashlight... flashlight because it feels less like I'm waking up and more like this will only take a minute or two.

The words my brain refuses to let me ignore are a haiku about Spring.  The kids and I have been reading about haiku.  We are planning to write some as one of our summer writing projects.

I wrote three poems, all about Spring.  Then I closed the notebook and laid both it and my pen down.  Finally I turned off my flashlight.  I thought that now I would be able to sleep.  There was no fear of forgetting my words before the morning.   But it seems that I was nowhere near finished writing for the night.

I rolled and tossed.  The words refused to remain unheard.  This time I gave in.  I turned the light on, sat up, and knew I would write until the end.  I wrote three more haiku about the spring.  Then I moved on to summer, fall, winter and even one about New Years.  I had learned that in Japan New Years is counted nearly as its own season.  So of course my I could not leave it out.  In the end I had twenty haiku, twenty tastes of the seasons from my point of view.

I laid still for a while wondering if I was finished.  By now even more tired than before, though my eyes were not closing just yet.  I did not turn the light off, if sleep should come what would I care if the light was still shining on.  I turned the page, empty and ready for my words.  I held my pen.  I laid my head down on my bed.

No more Haiku.  But I filled two more pages, an outline of the story I would be starting.  It is another of our summer writing projects.  This one I will be sure to share more about as my children and I work through it.  When these words were down on paper, safe and ready for me to really start working on them, then I finally turned the light off and went to sleep.

Of course the morning brought that lovely personal rejection.  The funny thing is that had I picked up my computer and wrote there, I would have seen the rejection letter.  It had been received as I wrote there in the dark of night.

I shared the words of the letter with my children.  I guess my brain was preparing me, no time to moan or sigh.  There is only time to write.  Who needs sleep anyway!