A few days ago I wrote about some of my thoughts on being an introvert and a single mom of middle and high school aged kids. It has been something I have been thinking about for a while now. But I thought that I had finished that line of thought. Then I noticed another article that had been posted on facebook about introverts. This article also had a link to a video. The woman speaking was the author of a book on introverts. Interestingly enough I had purchased her book and read it earlier this year.
After listening to her speak I knew I had more on this topic that I wanted to write about.
Coming home from WorldCon a few weeks ago it seemed that a lot of my thoughts still have been centered there. I made a couple of observations while I was in TX at the convention. One of these I shared with my friend, Jay Werkheiser. He seemed to think it was pretty good and true as well. This is what I observed at WorldCon...
I decided that I could easily pick out the people who were introverts just by the way they walked through the lobbies of our hotel and the halls of the convention center. The introverts were the ones who were looking at the mass of people in front of them. They were the ones trying to judge which way all of the people were going to walk. They wanted to see the signs - right or left. They needed to know this so that they would be able to move out of the way as they passed by the people going in the opposite direction.
Now of course, I knew this to be a fact, because that is exactly what I was doing. I was watching so that I could stay out of the way. And guess what, there were tons of others doing the same thing!
It was sort of a dance. Each of us trying to stay out of the other's way. Now this should surprise no one, that at a GeekCon, any GeekCon, that the place would be filled with introverts.
Oh, here is a related observation, when walking with extroverted people, or at least those who were much less introverted than myself, it was more of a "Parting of the waters" kind of thing. These extroverts would walk as if they were on a mission. They would walk straight through the crowd. I, and other introverts, would follow in the wake that they created.
Back to the article I read and the author speaking about her book, well not even her book. She was speaking about being an introvert in a world that is more based on being an extrovert. I had loved her book. I took notes as I read it. I wrote about it and my thoughts in my journal. And as I watched the video well, at a couple of points, I even had tears in my eyes. It is sort of a strange thing, but knowing that there is someone, somewhere in the world that truly understands you is a good feeling. It is nice to know that it is good to be like me. It is nice to know that there are others in the world that find many social interaction (including school and workplaces) tiring and even stressful.
I love that my new world of writer friends has shown me this. I think that is actually one of the reason I love WorldCon. It is packing 1000's of introverts with shared interests (SF & F) in a hotel/convention center and just watching what happens.
Guess what, we don't sit alone in our hotel rooms reading. Hehe.. well there actually is a bit of that going on. But what really happens is that we are free. We are safe to be who we are. We know that we are okay with our friends or fellow con-attendees sitting in the lobby or at a table reading. It is fine to talk to them. But it is also okay just to sit next to them and read your own book.
She talked about taking books in her suitcase. She said part of the reason she loved her grandfather's place was the pile of books on every surface. It was as if she was talking to me. She also said that she had always wanted to be a writer.
I don't know how much of this is due to my being an introvert or if there are other reasons for it, but right now I feel my life is at a turning point. I need to decide somethings, I need to do something, I need to figure out what I want and work to make it happen.
It has been a really slow process for me. I joke that I am still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. But more and more I think like Susan Cain, I want to be a writer. I know that this isn't likely to be my main job. So I guess I still really need to figure this out. Des told me that I should go back to school and finish my degree in Computer Science. I looked at this a little bit. But I am not sure this is really what I want. I also am unsure if teaching is really my thing. Though being back here with these kids makes me think I would not hate a real full time teaching position. I guess I will just have to give it a little thought.
When looking at classes I also considered school, but more related to writing. This is something more like children's lit, or actual writing or english. I believe the only way I would do something like this would be if it was related to teaching somehow. Though the AboutSF stuff and the classes listed there were very interesting and exciting to me. I do believe that I am going to sign up for that one free class they had listed.
So this is straying a bit from the introverted topic. But I guess that is how it is with my thoughts at this time. Oh, I guess just for myself, I am going to write down just exactly what I want to do. (None of you read this bit. hehe..)
1. Be a mom.
2. Be a writer or even an author.
3. Work with kids sort of like I did at Futurekids. It would be amazing to do these SF workshops and classes as well as NaNo like writing classes and units. Of course there could even be computer or math things, or science as well.
So how can I do this and get paid? But not necessarily be a classroom teacher? That is the question. Could it be a homeschool related thing? Or a summer program? Maybe a learning center? I am just not sure right now. But I think it is something I want to play around with.
Monday, September 16, 2013
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Bedtime stories
This is sort of an additional thought from my post earlier today. One of my favorite quiet things to do with my children is read to or with them. I have been reading to them since they were babies. It may seem funny to read aloud to a 15 year old. a 13 year old. and a 10 year old. But they never complain, and really seem to enjoy this as much as I do. But sadly since school has started this fall we haven't been able to read together. We have so many books that we are waiting to read. I guess maybe I will have to just make sure to spend at least 10 or 15 minutes at bedtime to read to my not-so-much-babies a bedtime story.
One of the best things I learned in college is that someone is never too old to enjoy being read to. One of my college professors would read aloud to the class for a few minutes every day. All of us 18-22 year olds would beg for "one more chapter." And this was not because we were trying to get out of doing work. We really did just want to hear the next bit of the story. I guess this is one thing that I really took to heart. It is one thing I am happy that I learned in college. Hehe.. Reading aloud is wonderful at any age. It is a shared experience that I plan on enjoying with my kids as long as I can.
On a somewhat related note, the other day we got our NaNoWriMo pack. We not only enjoy reading together. Writing together is another of our favorite activities. Well, I guess Zeb would rather not be included in this activity. He is happy to talk about the things that I am writing, and maybe even listen to what his sisters are writing. But he would rather not be forced to write himself. When I was "THE TEACHER" he just got to be a part of this activity and NaNoWriMo. But I guess I will have to give him a pass this year. He will just have to do the writing that his English teacher wants him to do. But the girls and I are excited to be getting near NaNo-time again.
I wonder if I should try to figure out what I want to write this year. Or should I just come to November 1st with an empty notebook. I guess I have a little bit of time to think about it yet.
One of the best things I learned in college is that someone is never too old to enjoy being read to. One of my college professors would read aloud to the class for a few minutes every day. All of us 18-22 year olds would beg for "one more chapter." And this was not because we were trying to get out of doing work. We really did just want to hear the next bit of the story. I guess this is one thing that I really took to heart. It is one thing I am happy that I learned in college. Hehe.. Reading aloud is wonderful at any age. It is a shared experience that I plan on enjoying with my kids as long as I can.
On a somewhat related note, the other day we got our NaNoWriMo pack. We not only enjoy reading together. Writing together is another of our favorite activities. Well, I guess Zeb would rather not be included in this activity. He is happy to talk about the things that I am writing, and maybe even listen to what his sisters are writing. But he would rather not be forced to write himself. When I was "THE TEACHER" he just got to be a part of this activity and NaNoWriMo. But I guess I will have to give him a pass this year. He will just have to do the writing that his English teacher wants him to do. But the girls and I are excited to be getting near NaNo-time again.
I wonder if I should try to figure out what I want to write this year. Or should I just come to November 1st with an empty notebook. I guess I have a little bit of time to think about it yet.
Days when the world seems to be spinning out of control
Today I have been thinking a bit about being an introvert and a parent of middle school and high school aged children. This week since getting home from WorldCon, I have been really tired. Hehe.. Yes, I know some of it was the 3am bedtimes. Some of it was just that so much was going on that I need a little bit of time to relax. There is also a part of it that comes from stepping through my door and getting back to my real life. This life is filled with schedules, meetings, moving children from one place to another, and yes homework. Oh, and that doesn't even consider anything related to just myself, work, writing, or things I wish to do.
A couple of weeks ago, someone posted an article on Facebook. The title of the article was "23 Signs That You're Secretly An Introvert." Now, I can't say that I am or ever thought of my self as 'secretly' an introvert. It has always been clear to me that this is who I am. But of course I opened the article and read through it. Twenty of the twenty-three things on this list ARE me! Two of the remaining three, I would have to say are maybes..or sometimes me.
Now getting back to me being tired after WorldCon, well, there have been lots of things for me to do since I got home. The funny thing is that my kids are not actually "IN" a lot of things. But being a single mom and having three kids means that there is rarely a day that I don't have to go or do something. A lot of this comes from my oldest starting high school this fall. This means two schools, and me trying to get the three kids to two schools and myself to work in the morning all before 8:00am.
On top of this it seems that days that I have meetings or volleyball games at one school are the same days or times that I am supposed to be doing something at the other school. Last week, I just figured it was my brain after WorldCon that was having a hard time keeping everything straighten out. I thought that once I got home and settled I would be fine again.
But this morning, I am not sure if that is really all that it was about. I think it has more to do with being an introverted mom.
When my oldest was born, my husband and I decided that I wouldn't work. That we wanted me to be the one who was taking care of our kids. This was perfect. I am so happy that I was able to spend this time with my children. I could stay at home. I could go places when I wanted to. But mostly it was just me in a place I wanted to be with the people I wanted to be with. Now you should also know that after a while, I would go to the grocery store and believe that the conversation I had with the cashier the best talk I had in weeks. There is something to be said about adult conversation when you are only around toddlers.
As my kids got older, they were in more things, including school. This brought about all sorts of situations for me to be in contact with others. Some of these people I considered friends and others strangers. But mostly, I still had my time at home to recharge. We never were the parents that had our kids in activities constantly. I don't think that is something I could have done. It would have just been much to stressful to me. But we picked and chose what they wanted to do. And made sure that they were able to be a part of these activities.
Then several years ago, we decided it would be better to homeschool our children. So we took them out of school and I became their fulltime teacher. During this time, I was very conscious of making sure that they had enough outside activities. We went to museums and zoos. We were in sports and swimming lessons. They were in boy or girl scouts. Being homeschooled I wanted them to have friends and things to do that they might miss without the school link. Though here again, we picked what they were doing and the other thing is there were two parents. Sometimes I would take them or sometimes their dad would. So there were still plenty of opportunities for me to be in the quiet of my home, or somewhere "alone" with my family.
Now last year I needed to put my kids back into the school system. They had been a part of the school here in Worms for certain activities and sports. I was the basketball mom, at a tournament every weekend there for a couple of months a year. But still for the most part our schoolday had been quiet and at home. I could tell even before putting them back into school that things were getting more busy...more hectic. It seems that is what happens as your children grow older.
There are days that I feel like a 'driver.' That it is my job to move people from place to place. I am a secretary. What meeting do I need to go to? And who needs to be here and what things to we need to have done. It feels now that the quiet life that I crave is a thing of the past. Part of me feels like I need to grab ahold of this thing and make the world stop spinning. Though there is also a part of me that believes I just need to hang on tight and ride for a couple of years.
Like I said, we really aren't in many things. I don't feel like I should be telling my kids, "No, we can't do that." I just need to find little pieces of time throughout the day were I can crawl into a corner with a book and read or sit under a table and write. Places that I can still be involved in what is going on. But that I can hide and try to recharge for the next extroverted activity that I find myself in. Hehe... Working in the concession stand, going to meetings, talking on the phone... these things are WORK to me. I can do them. I don't even hate doing them. But they are still work. Even my current job, substitute teaching is work. I love being with the kids. But the not knowing where I am going to be every morning, that is much more work then waking up and knowing the kids and the teachers that I will be working with.
So maybe coming back from WorldCon and being tired this week has several sources. One, I am just tired from all that went on during that week. That was such a busy and exciting time. So many things and people. I loved it. But even there, I went up to my hotel room for quiet times, or out to eat with one or two friends at a time. Places to sit in the calm for just a little bit of time were needed even there in that happy world. Two, I need to carve out quiet times for me to get through these busy years of my life and the activities of a single mom with kids in 2 different schools. I guess I need to say to myself, that it is okay that I hide once in a while. It is okay if I don't answer that phone call right now. I can call them back later when I am ready. I will let you in on a secret, this is one reason I like texts and e-mails. They give me even just a moment or two to think about what I want to say or when I am ready to respond. Yes, I do "14. Screen my calls. Even from my friends." Most of the time I will just answer. But sometimes, I will call you back in 10 minutes or an hour.
I am 'secretly' an introvert. And I believe it is harder to be an introvert as my children get older and more involved in things outside of our home. This doesn't mean I don't want to talk to you. It just means, I would rather sit down and talk to you away from the craziness and center of activities. So for all of you other introverts out there, grab a book or your phone and join me in the quiet corner of the gym or auditorium. :)
A couple of weeks ago, someone posted an article on Facebook. The title of the article was "23 Signs That You're Secretly An Introvert." Now, I can't say that I am or ever thought of my self as 'secretly' an introvert. It has always been clear to me that this is who I am. But of course I opened the article and read through it. Twenty of the twenty-three things on this list ARE me! Two of the remaining three, I would have to say are maybes..or sometimes me.
Now getting back to me being tired after WorldCon, well, there have been lots of things for me to do since I got home. The funny thing is that my kids are not actually "IN" a lot of things. But being a single mom and having three kids means that there is rarely a day that I don't have to go or do something. A lot of this comes from my oldest starting high school this fall. This means two schools, and me trying to get the three kids to two schools and myself to work in the morning all before 8:00am.
On top of this it seems that days that I have meetings or volleyball games at one school are the same days or times that I am supposed to be doing something at the other school. Last week, I just figured it was my brain after WorldCon that was having a hard time keeping everything straighten out. I thought that once I got home and settled I would be fine again.
But this morning, I am not sure if that is really all that it was about. I think it has more to do with being an introverted mom.
When my oldest was born, my husband and I decided that I wouldn't work. That we wanted me to be the one who was taking care of our kids. This was perfect. I am so happy that I was able to spend this time with my children. I could stay at home. I could go places when I wanted to. But mostly it was just me in a place I wanted to be with the people I wanted to be with. Now you should also know that after a while, I would go to the grocery store and believe that the conversation I had with the cashier the best talk I had in weeks. There is something to be said about adult conversation when you are only around toddlers.
As my kids got older, they were in more things, including school. This brought about all sorts of situations for me to be in contact with others. Some of these people I considered friends and others strangers. But mostly, I still had my time at home to recharge. We never were the parents that had our kids in activities constantly. I don't think that is something I could have done. It would have just been much to stressful to me. But we picked and chose what they wanted to do. And made sure that they were able to be a part of these activities.
Then several years ago, we decided it would be better to homeschool our children. So we took them out of school and I became their fulltime teacher. During this time, I was very conscious of making sure that they had enough outside activities. We went to museums and zoos. We were in sports and swimming lessons. They were in boy or girl scouts. Being homeschooled I wanted them to have friends and things to do that they might miss without the school link. Though here again, we picked what they were doing and the other thing is there were two parents. Sometimes I would take them or sometimes their dad would. So there were still plenty of opportunities for me to be in the quiet of my home, or somewhere "alone" with my family.
Now last year I needed to put my kids back into the school system. They had been a part of the school here in Worms for certain activities and sports. I was the basketball mom, at a tournament every weekend there for a couple of months a year. But still for the most part our schoolday had been quiet and at home. I could tell even before putting them back into school that things were getting more busy...more hectic. It seems that is what happens as your children grow older.
There are days that I feel like a 'driver.' That it is my job to move people from place to place. I am a secretary. What meeting do I need to go to? And who needs to be here and what things to we need to have done. It feels now that the quiet life that I crave is a thing of the past. Part of me feels like I need to grab ahold of this thing and make the world stop spinning. Though there is also a part of me that believes I just need to hang on tight and ride for a couple of years.
Like I said, we really aren't in many things. I don't feel like I should be telling my kids, "No, we can't do that." I just need to find little pieces of time throughout the day were I can crawl into a corner with a book and read or sit under a table and write. Places that I can still be involved in what is going on. But that I can hide and try to recharge for the next extroverted activity that I find myself in. Hehe... Working in the concession stand, going to meetings, talking on the phone... these things are WORK to me. I can do them. I don't even hate doing them. But they are still work. Even my current job, substitute teaching is work. I love being with the kids. But the not knowing where I am going to be every morning, that is much more work then waking up and knowing the kids and the teachers that I will be working with.
So maybe coming back from WorldCon and being tired this week has several sources. One, I am just tired from all that went on during that week. That was such a busy and exciting time. So many things and people. I loved it. But even there, I went up to my hotel room for quiet times, or out to eat with one or two friends at a time. Places to sit in the calm for just a little bit of time were needed even there in that happy world. Two, I need to carve out quiet times for me to get through these busy years of my life and the activities of a single mom with kids in 2 different schools. I guess I need to say to myself, that it is okay that I hide once in a while. It is okay if I don't answer that phone call right now. I can call them back later when I am ready. I will let you in on a secret, this is one reason I like texts and e-mails. They give me even just a moment or two to think about what I want to say or when I am ready to respond. Yes, I do "14. Screen my calls. Even from my friends." Most of the time I will just answer. But sometimes, I will call you back in 10 minutes or an hour.
I am 'secretly' an introvert. And I believe it is harder to be an introvert as my children get older and more involved in things outside of our home. This doesn't mean I don't want to talk to you. It just means, I would rather sit down and talk to you away from the craziness and center of activities. So for all of you other introverts out there, grab a book or your phone and join me in the quiet corner of the gym or auditorium. :)
Friday, September 6, 2013
WorldCon 2013
I have been meaning to sit down and write about this past week for a few days now. But I have actually found it to be a little difficult to do. Yes, it could just be the lack of sleep over the days at WorldCon. But I believe there is a little bit more to it than just my brain is too sleep deprived to function.
This was my second WorldCon. It has been interesting for me to think back to last year and everything that I saw or did. In so many ways, this WorldCon was very different. I guess maybe some of the reason for that is I had no real idea of what to expect last year. I had never imagined being in the same room as the authors of the books that I have on my bookshelves...let alone sitting down at the bar with them and talking to them. You know they are actually people.
But this year, I was looking out for people. By this I mean, I was expecting to see certain people. We went to TX with plans in place to share meals with or spend time with certain friends. And yes, that is the difference. FRIENDS! I am actually friends with real live authors. I was expecting to sit there and talk to these people.
The first days back home were so surreal. Though as I write about it now, I am not sure which way I want to go with this. Was being at WorldCon the thing that was a dream? Or is it my doing laundry and dishes the day after I got home the dream? These two worlds are so far apart that I have a hard time holding them in my brain at the same time.
The last few days I have been looking at the pictures that I took as well as pictures and posts that others have been sharing about our time in TX. I see my name in posts or tagged in albums along with authors and editors. I have to say it is a very unique feeling. I don't see myself as a fan (though I am). Nor do I consider myself an author (by my own definition). But I am somewhere in between. I like the feeling. It makes me want to write. Hehe.. which isn't saying much, most things make me want to write.
So I guess, I am not going to write about who I talked to or ate with. Not that I won't be more than happy to go into great detail with anyone who wants to ask about my weekend. But I just want to say that my time in TX at LonestarCon was amazing, maybe even more amazing this year than it was last year. There are so many things about this new life that are beginning to feel real.
This was my second WorldCon. It has been interesting for me to think back to last year and everything that I saw or did. In so many ways, this WorldCon was very different. I guess maybe some of the reason for that is I had no real idea of what to expect last year. I had never imagined being in the same room as the authors of the books that I have on my bookshelves...let alone sitting down at the bar with them and talking to them. You know they are actually people.
But this year, I was looking out for people. By this I mean, I was expecting to see certain people. We went to TX with plans in place to share meals with or spend time with certain friends. And yes, that is the difference. FRIENDS! I am actually friends with real live authors. I was expecting to sit there and talk to these people.
The first days back home were so surreal. Though as I write about it now, I am not sure which way I want to go with this. Was being at WorldCon the thing that was a dream? Or is it my doing laundry and dishes the day after I got home the dream? These two worlds are so far apart that I have a hard time holding them in my brain at the same time.
The last few days I have been looking at the pictures that I took as well as pictures and posts that others have been sharing about our time in TX. I see my name in posts or tagged in albums along with authors and editors. I have to say it is a very unique feeling. I don't see myself as a fan (though I am). Nor do I consider myself an author (by my own definition). But I am somewhere in between. I like the feeling. It makes me want to write. Hehe.. which isn't saying much, most things make me want to write.
So I guess, I am not going to write about who I talked to or ate with. Not that I won't be more than happy to go into great detail with anyone who wants to ask about my weekend. But I just want to say that my time in TX at LonestarCon was amazing, maybe even more amazing this year than it was last year. There are so many things about this new life that are beginning to feel real.
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Don't Blink
I promised to write more about these firsts. But it seemed like I should really wait until after Zeb's birthday to write about all of them at the same time. The last couple of weeks have been crazy.
There was Zeb's first day of high school. Now as my oldest child, he gets the special honor of doing everything in our lives first. He was the first one to go to preschool. He was the first one to go to kindergarten. He was the first one to go to high school. Of course there were many other firsts that Zeb did. And most of these firsts brought me to tears. So as we were getting closer and closer to this first day of high school I was expecting to be crying as I drove away from his school.
These things don't exactly make me sad. There is a part of me that is sad at these milestone points in our life. My time with my children in my care goes by so very quickly. All moms say this, but it does seem like yesterday when they were babies. And now he is off to high school. These things are sometimes hard for a mom to get used to. But they are also happy things. My son is an amazing person. I am so excited for him in this new stage of his life.
This post seems to be mostly about Zeb. Because also this past week we went and got his learner's permit. He had driven home from school a few times now, at least part of the way. He wants to stay out of traffic so I don't make him drive until we are out on the quiet roads.
Wow! Lets see how many changes and emotional things we can pack into one week. Of course we end this week by celebrating his 15th birthday.
The girls also started school this week. But 5th and 8th grade, I have done both of these at least once before. So they were much easier to handle. Though I already look at Ella and know that in a few short months, 10 or so, I will have two children in high school.
Don't Blink!
If I do, the next four years are going to speed by and it will be my baby starting high school and Zeb off to college. Slow down and enjoy every moment we have together.
There was Zeb's first day of high school. Now as my oldest child, he gets the special honor of doing everything in our lives first. He was the first one to go to preschool. He was the first one to go to kindergarten. He was the first one to go to high school. Of course there were many other firsts that Zeb did. And most of these firsts brought me to tears. So as we were getting closer and closer to this first day of high school I was expecting to be crying as I drove away from his school.
These things don't exactly make me sad. There is a part of me that is sad at these milestone points in our life. My time with my children in my care goes by so very quickly. All moms say this, but it does seem like yesterday when they were babies. And now he is off to high school. These things are sometimes hard for a mom to get used to. But they are also happy things. My son is an amazing person. I am so excited for him in this new stage of his life.
This post seems to be mostly about Zeb. Because also this past week we went and got his learner's permit. He had driven home from school a few times now, at least part of the way. He wants to stay out of traffic so I don't make him drive until we are out on the quiet roads.
Wow! Lets see how many changes and emotional things we can pack into one week. Of course we end this week by celebrating his 15th birthday.
The girls also started school this week. But 5th and 8th grade, I have done both of these at least once before. So they were much easier to handle. Though I already look at Ella and know that in a few short months, 10 or so, I will have two children in high school.
Don't Blink!
If I do, the next four years are going to speed by and it will be my baby starting high school and Zeb off to college. Slow down and enjoy every moment we have together.
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Firsts or 837
There are several 'Firsts' that I could write about today. But I think I will for the most part try to stick to one of them. Then I will save the others to write more about later.
Today was Zeb's first day of high school. Believe me, there are many things to tell about this. It was a 1/2 day with only the new 9th graders. It seems that he had a good day. But this is not what I am going to be writing about today. I think I will save that for tomorrow after he has gone to the second 'first' day of school... the one where they have already met all of the teachers and are there with the rest of the students.
The first I am going to write about, actually happened because it was my son's first day of high school. Since it was a half day, I decided to to hang out in town while he was at school. I had a bit of shopping that I needed to get done. And, I thought I would spend the rest of the time at the library doing some writing. This is not something that I had ever done. I had thought about it. But I normally go to the library with my kids. So there hasn't been a good time for me to try writing there.
The funny thing about this plan is that it didn't work out for me. The library doesn't open until 10. I got there a half hour before this, hoping that it would have opened at 9. So with all of this extra time I had to come up with something else. I didn't really just want to sit in the car and wait. So instead, I went across the street and got a cup of coffee and sat down to write. This was also something that I had not done before. Normally I do my writing at home. Once in a while I have written at the park while my kids were playing. And as I have gotten more and more brave about writing in public places, I have over the last two years started writing at my kids' basketball or volleyball tournaments (between their games of course).
I did not know how easy it would be to write there with people coming and going. There was music playing. So many things that could have been a distraction. But I sat there and started to write. It was very nice. Then after putting 837 words down in my notebook, it was time to pick my son up from school.
Today was Zeb's first day of high school. Believe me, there are many things to tell about this. It was a 1/2 day with only the new 9th graders. It seems that he had a good day. But this is not what I am going to be writing about today. I think I will save that for tomorrow after he has gone to the second 'first' day of school... the one where they have already met all of the teachers and are there with the rest of the students.
The first I am going to write about, actually happened because it was my son's first day of high school. Since it was a half day, I decided to to hang out in town while he was at school. I had a bit of shopping that I needed to get done. And, I thought I would spend the rest of the time at the library doing some writing. This is not something that I had ever done. I had thought about it. But I normally go to the library with my kids. So there hasn't been a good time for me to try writing there.
The funny thing about this plan is that it didn't work out for me. The library doesn't open until 10. I got there a half hour before this, hoping that it would have opened at 9. So with all of this extra time I had to come up with something else. I didn't really just want to sit in the car and wait. So instead, I went across the street and got a cup of coffee and sat down to write. This was also something that I had not done before. Normally I do my writing at home. Once in a while I have written at the park while my kids were playing. And as I have gotten more and more brave about writing in public places, I have over the last two years started writing at my kids' basketball or volleyball tournaments (between their games of course).
I did not know how easy it would be to write there with people coming and going. There was music playing. So many things that could have been a distraction. But I sat there and started to write. It was very nice. Then after putting 837 words down in my notebook, it was time to pick my son up from school.
Friday, August 9, 2013
Terror or Excitement?
Last week was a first for me. Now that it is over and I have had a few days to think about it, it seems hard to describe.
This week started on Wednesday for me. See, on Wednesday, July 31st, one of my short stories was on the top of the queue in my writer's group. This was something I have never done before. I have only been a member of this group for a couple of weeks. I had been just been learning really how to write critiques on other people's stories. I am not sure if that was even getting easier. But now, here I was putting my words, my story, out there waiting for someone else to tell me that it sucked!
Well, of course I was not hoping to hear those words. Nor was I really expecting to hear them. I assumed that even if it did suck they would try to be nice about it. But Wednesday night as I saw the email go into the inbox about the stories that I could read this coming week, I knew that mine was among the list. I almost wanted to close that tab on my browser so that I couldn't see if there was new e-mail waiting for me. But, I left it open. That was hard.
In the morning when I saw a couple of new e-mails in the box I almost didn't read them. My stomach hurt. I was truly afraid to see what those messages held. If I had been writing this post on Thursday, you would have been hearing something completely different. I opened the first few critiques and read them. Of course they found typos and a weird homophone mistake (as soon as I saw that I thought "WOW, how could I have missed that one?") The perfectionist part of me took control. I mean I had looked over that so many times. Who had gone into my file and put those mistakes back in there? Or worse yet, "I can't believe I sent that out for other people to look at with mistakes in it?"
Each of the critiques that came back with those sorts of things really bothered me. But over all they weren't saying it sucked. Again, I didn't expect that. Still, Thursday night, I wasn't feeling all that happy about reading the critiques. It felt like a very uncomfortable place for me to have put myself. This is the sort of thing I spend a great deal of time trying to avoid.
Then on Friday, I tried looking at it in another way. By now all of the silly mistakes that I NEVER should have allowed had been pointed out to me, most several times. So I could mostly skip over those parts of the critiques. I sat down and actually spent more time looking at the other things that these writers were suggesting. When I did this, I saw several ways that I could make my story better. That this thing that had been terrifying to me, well, it was actually very helpful.
When I read over my own words, I know exactly what I mean. I know where I am going with this. But when someone else is reading them, well, if there is a hole or something that doesn't make perfect sense, they can see it. And if I can then go back and make these places more clear, the story will be even better.
By Sunday, I had decided that I loved reading the critiques. When I saw a new one in my inbox, I would call my kids over and we would read it together. Melinda, my youngest, was the most excited to hear what others had to say about my story.
After most of the critiques were in, I sat down with my kids and asked them what they thought? Because of course I can't do or change all of the things that were suggested. I wouldn't even want to. But some of them suggested almost opposite things. I wanted to hear what my kids thought. If any of the things that those critiques had said were things that I should change. Of course, Ella and I had already talked about a couple of things. So she brought those up again. Melinda told me that I shouldn't change anything. That the story was perfect just the way it was. I laughed and pointed out a couple of the typos. She smiled and told me that maybe I could change those things.
The week to critique my story is now over. It has been for two days. I have saved all of the critiques in a file. I guess my next step is to read over them again. Then decide just exactly what I am going to do with my story. There are several things that I am very excited to work on. These things, I believe will make my story much better. I am thankful to all of those who took the time to critique my story. And I am very thankful that Jay MADE me do this, even though he knew I really didn't want to, even though I was sure that he was wrong and it was a terrible idea up until Sunday night when I realized that I was very excited to read each new critique as they came in. I am almost ready to put a different story up in the queue. Hehe.. But I want to look over it very carefully before I do that. So maybe it will have to wait until I get back from WorldCon. But if I haven't done it by then, I will do it that first week. Now, I think it is time for me to go and critique someone else's story. :)
This week started on Wednesday for me. See, on Wednesday, July 31st, one of my short stories was on the top of the queue in my writer's group. This was something I have never done before. I have only been a member of this group for a couple of weeks. I had been just been learning really how to write critiques on other people's stories. I am not sure if that was even getting easier. But now, here I was putting my words, my story, out there waiting for someone else to tell me that it sucked!
Well, of course I was not hoping to hear those words. Nor was I really expecting to hear them. I assumed that even if it did suck they would try to be nice about it. But Wednesday night as I saw the email go into the inbox about the stories that I could read this coming week, I knew that mine was among the list. I almost wanted to close that tab on my browser so that I couldn't see if there was new e-mail waiting for me. But, I left it open. That was hard.
In the morning when I saw a couple of new e-mails in the box I almost didn't read them. My stomach hurt. I was truly afraid to see what those messages held. If I had been writing this post on Thursday, you would have been hearing something completely different. I opened the first few critiques and read them. Of course they found typos and a weird homophone mistake (as soon as I saw that I thought "WOW, how could I have missed that one?") The perfectionist part of me took control. I mean I had looked over that so many times. Who had gone into my file and put those mistakes back in there? Or worse yet, "I can't believe I sent that out for other people to look at with mistakes in it?"
Each of the critiques that came back with those sorts of things really bothered me. But over all they weren't saying it sucked. Again, I didn't expect that. Still, Thursday night, I wasn't feeling all that happy about reading the critiques. It felt like a very uncomfortable place for me to have put myself. This is the sort of thing I spend a great deal of time trying to avoid.
Then on Friday, I tried looking at it in another way. By now all of the silly mistakes that I NEVER should have allowed had been pointed out to me, most several times. So I could mostly skip over those parts of the critiques. I sat down and actually spent more time looking at the other things that these writers were suggesting. When I did this, I saw several ways that I could make my story better. That this thing that had been terrifying to me, well, it was actually very helpful.
When I read over my own words, I know exactly what I mean. I know where I am going with this. But when someone else is reading them, well, if there is a hole or something that doesn't make perfect sense, they can see it. And if I can then go back and make these places more clear, the story will be even better.
By Sunday, I had decided that I loved reading the critiques. When I saw a new one in my inbox, I would call my kids over and we would read it together. Melinda, my youngest, was the most excited to hear what others had to say about my story.
After most of the critiques were in, I sat down with my kids and asked them what they thought? Because of course I can't do or change all of the things that were suggested. I wouldn't even want to. But some of them suggested almost opposite things. I wanted to hear what my kids thought. If any of the things that those critiques had said were things that I should change. Of course, Ella and I had already talked about a couple of things. So she brought those up again. Melinda told me that I shouldn't change anything. That the story was perfect just the way it was. I laughed and pointed out a couple of the typos. She smiled and told me that maybe I could change those things.
The week to critique my story is now over. It has been for two days. I have saved all of the critiques in a file. I guess my next step is to read over them again. Then decide just exactly what I am going to do with my story. There are several things that I am very excited to work on. These things, I believe will make my story much better. I am thankful to all of those who took the time to critique my story. And I am very thankful that Jay MADE me do this, even though he knew I really didn't want to, even though I was sure that he was wrong and it was a terrible idea up until Sunday night when I realized that I was very excited to read each new critique as they came in. I am almost ready to put a different story up in the queue. Hehe.. But I want to look over it very carefully before I do that. So maybe it will have to wait until I get back from WorldCon. But if I haven't done it by then, I will do it that first week. Now, I think it is time for me to go and critique someone else's story. :)
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