Happy New Year!

This year is nearly over.  As with every year so many things happened this year.  Most of them have been good, some even wonderful and amazing.  Of course there are those things that have been sad or worrisome.  But on the whole I would say that 2012 has been a good year.

I was talking to Ella yesterday about crocheting.  She wanted me to give her a lesson.  So I told her how when I first started to crochet, I was making a Granny Square afghan   I was excited that I was learning this new skill.  I was hopeful.  I expected it to be beautiful.

It wasn't.  The squares were not the same size.  Some were a strange shape.  The stitches didn't match.  I hadn't kept the same tension the whole time.  But what did happen is that after working on that afghan I had learned how to crochet.  But the end my stitches were better.  I put that afghan down and moved on to a different project, one that I was actually proud of.  After that I continued to crochet, I learned new stitches.  I even started making my own patterns.  It has been 20 years of crocheting to get to this point.  But now, I can make nearly anything I want.

I wanted Ella to know that whatever she made was probably going to be awful.  I wanted her to know that I had thrown away the first project I made.  She sees what I make now and expects that she will be able to do that too.  I wanted her to know that she would be able to do this, but that it would take time, practice and work to get to that point.  And most of all I didn't want her to be disappointed in what she had done.

Today as I sit here and think about this year, I think about another skill that I have been working on.   My writing.  This same lesson that I was teaching my daughter about crocheting is how I need to look at my writing.

This I have also been working on for years, even longer than I have been working on my crocheting.  I was my youngest daughter's age when I was writing some of my first stories down in notebooks.  I still have many of these.  And yes, just like my first crocheting project, they were awful.

But to me, back then, they were magic.  They were something that I needed to do.  I continued to write.  I filled notebooks and later floppy disks with my worlds, my dreams, things that came from somewhere inside of me.  I am still doing that.

Just like my crocheting, I believe that my writing has gotten better.  I have given many of my crocheted projects away.  I have shared them with people.  It is only recently that I have started trusting in my writing as much as my crocheting.  That is one of the things that has made 2012 amazing for me.  I have realized how important that part of me truly is.  I have begun to make effort to see where I can go with it.

Two days ago, I just submitted my third short story.  As I was pushing the send button, I wanted to stop.  I didn't want to take that risk.  I wondered if those feelings would ever go away.  But I sent it anyhow.  Right now, I have five things out there somewhere.  I am waiting.  But I am not just waiting.  I am writing.  I am working on the next idea.  I am looking for more places to submit my work.  I am also crocheting.  I started four projects over Christmas break.  I am nearly finished with three of them.

How is crocheting like writing?
You can have the best idea in the world.  But if you don't start, you will never finish.
You need to work.  You need to practice.  You need to keep on doing it even if it is awful at the beginning.
And someday something you made from your own hands might be beautiful.

Happy Dance!

Yes, today was an interesting day.  But I will have to start with the end and my happy dance.  :)  Today I came home from shopping (yes I am crazy to have left my house and ventured out in December.  Normally I do everything in my power to avoid this.) and found I had an email.  This is likely the most exciting email I have every received.  It was about the short story that I just sent out last week.  The email was sent to inform me that my story had made it through the first round of consideration.  I have made it out of the slushie pile.  :)  My first short story I sent off and they are actually going to take a closer look at it.  Happy Dance!  That is an understatement.  If I am this excited about this, I wonder what it will be like when someone actually buys some of my words.  So that is my super wonderful happy dance worthy news of the day.

But yet there is more to this day.  :)  This morning I sat down and told myself, "Lisa, time to write."  I have been playing around with this idea for a few days.  But actually sitting down to write, now I haven't been able to do that.  Actually starting the story was hard to do.  So I just made myself do it this morning for about 40 minutes, not that long.  But it was enough.  Once I started writing, I didn't want to stop.  Then this afternoon while the kids were at basketball practice I finished the story.  It is likely the shortest thing I have written (at least since I was a child).  It is 7 words less than 1600 words.  It is not even a day's worth of NaNoWriMo. But I did it, and it is finished.  After supper I read it to my kids.  They are always my first audience.  I have learned to seek out their thoughts.  I want to see their reactions.  My biased little audience gave me the thumbs up.  You have to love those biased audiences.  :)  Now I let this story sit a day or two.  Then I will go back and read over it once again to see what I think.

But today, December 18th, was a very good day for me.

November and December

Wow, it has been over a month since I have written here.  I say that like I am surprised.  But really I know it has been a long time.  There are lots of things that I could write about here.   A lot of stuff happens in a month.  :)

I guess I should start with NaNoWriMo.  I did not write 50,000 words in November.  I did not get very far at all on my novel.  But I guess I never really expected to do it this time.  I probably could have.  But I had to decide just what I thought was more important.  I did a lot of writing.  Some of it was on my novel.  Some of it was on the short stories that I have been working on.  And some was 'writing work.'  Looking at markets, writing a synopsis or two, and getting things sent out.  So all in all, even though I didn't finish NaNo as a winner, I still feel good about the amount of writing that I got done last month.  Both of my daughters finished the month having met their NaNo goals!  YAY Ella and Melinda!

I find my children to be my best encouragement.  They are awesome.  I so enjoy reading my stories to them or talking through my ideas.  We spend a lot of time brainstorming ideas.  Some of these they take to their computer and write themselves and some of these ideas are mine to play with.  Just the other day Ella came up to me all excited.  We have been studying the Civil War.  She has taken a liking to Stonewall Jackson.  After our discussion that day, it was decided that she is going to do a research report on him.  Then she is planning on taking this research and turning it into an alternate history story... What if the south had won the war.  :)  Another of our discussions has turned into my current project, another short story.  I think that we could spend most of our time just researching and then writing and we would be very happy.

Oh, and on this line of thought, I am pretty new to this short story thing.  I wrote a few back in college.  These were horrible.  I decided then and there that I could not write short stories.  They were just bad!  Well, this summer I was told that I should write a short story or two.  So I have been thinking about it the last few months.  I finally got around to doing it this fall.  So far I have written two.  My kids give them a thumbs up.  But I do think that they might be considered a biased audience.  I sent the first of these out this week.  I guess I will soon see what a not so biased audience thinks.  I did enjoy writing them.  So after 20+ years of thinking that I was never going to write short stories again, I have changed my mind.  They still feel much harder for me than novel writing.  But on the plus side I can get them written a whole lot faster.  This seems like a good place to stop.  :)  It is time I get started on that ocean story of mine.

To Bravely Go To The Post Office

When I sat down here, I thought I knew exactly what I was going to write about. I mean there are tons of writer things that have been happening in the last couple of days. Of course it is NaNoWriMo Day 6. I haven't written today. Well, not on my novel. I may not. But I might, that I still don't know. I also finished getting everything ready to send out my second novel yesterday. That is a scary process. It feels somewhat different than the first one. I have been trying to sort out why. But I am not sure I have completely figured it out yet.

One way that this is different of course is I feel differently about this story. This story is a different piece of me. But I don't think that has much to do with these actual feelings.  Unless of course the repeated act of doing these things makes them feel more real to me, like I have more to lose.  But that would also mean I would have more to gain.

Another way is different is because the place I have decided to send it to does not want electronic submissions. So before when Ella told me “It's only an email.” as I sent the novel out, well that just doesn't work here. I had to go and get the pages of the manuscript, the cover letter, and the synopsis printed today. I actually held those papers in my hand. I put them into the hands of the man at the post office. I paid for postage. This submission actually cost me money. All of this makes it different, more real.

As I was sitting there at Office Max, I just felt ill, like I might throw up. WOW! This is real! I had to make myself go inside. Then I had to go to the post office. This did not help my feeling of nauseousness. I am not sure I feel any better here hours later. Now I wait. I wonder what will happen and who will be reading my words. And what I can do differently or better next time.

Brave is Best! Brave is Best! Brave is Best!

Brave

to meet or face courageously

The word bravery is a synonym of courage: courage usually suggests fearlessness or the overcoming of fear in the face of danger.

I am not sure sending a novel out qualifies for danger. Not real danger. But it is something I do seem to fear. It is a part of me that I have kept hidden away most of my life. A part of me I protected from the world. So today I bravely went to the post office. It sounds funny to say those words. Maybe that is what will make it easier for me to do it the next time and the next time. I also think it makes it easier for me to write about it here. Once this was a place that only I came, a secret place. But just knowing that other people are out there, that other people see these things makes me stronger.

One more note about today... November 6^th

Today would be my grandpa's birthday. I knew that this would be the day I sent out my story. I didn't really plan it. I sat down Sunday night and knew that I would be finished with everything on Monday. But my schedule told me that I wouldn't get to go to town until Tuesday. Then I saw the dates. I would be sending out my story on Grandpa's birthday, another perfect day. A story for Grandpa.  Happy Birthday Grandpa!  Let me tell you a story.

And so it begins...

Today is NaNo 1, 2012.  This day brings excitement.  This day brings fear of failure.  This day brings happiness and dancing.  This day brings cleaning out my closet.  Let me break it down for you.

Excitement:
This is the beginning of the month.  Right now anything could happen.  Who is that story really going to be about?  What are they going to do?  Oh, my gosh, and I really going to be able to get 50,000 words and more importantly am I going to be able to finish the story by the end of the month?  I want to run.  I want to write.  I want to sit quietly alone and do this thing.

Fear:
Yes, and not just fear..  But fear of failure.  In 2010 when I first did NaNoWriMo.  I didn't believe that I could do it.  I just wanted to write again.  I wanted to make a point of writing every day.  And two weeks in, I hated my story.  I wanted to start over.  I didn't write for days.  I didn't know what I was going to do.  But then a miracle happened.  The miracle of NaNo as I see it now.  I just wrote.  I told myself it didn't matter if it sucked.  I was writing for me.  And I needed to do it.  It was hard.  I was behind.  But I did it.  I finished.  And since than, I have done NaNo 2011, two camp NaNo's in June and July of 2011, and my own personal NaNo in April 2011.  Each time I ended the month with over the 50,000 words.  I finished.  But will I be able to do it this time.  I fear that I won't each and every time that I start.  Because I have finished, I don't want to fail.  I know I can do it.  Even if it is hard, I want to do it.  This year, I told myself I was going to cheat.  That I was going to write part of a novel, while also working on the submitting and editing part of my other novels.  But even as I say those things to myself, I know I want to finish that novel.  I want it all.  But is there enough time in the day.  What will I exclude so that I can write?  I am afraid of failing.

Happiness and dancing:
That is easy, doesn't writing fill everyone with happiness and dancing?  hehe.. Well, it helps that my kids are doing NaNo with me.  It helps that I read my story to them, sometimes as I write it.  It helps that they get excited with me.  We dance, we laugh, we talk about our stories while we work on other things.

Cleaning out my closet:
This I wish I was talking about the closet of my mind.  I wish I meant cleaning the todo list so that I had time to write.  But I don't.  I mean I was actually going through my closet today.  I wanted to write.  But to start writing meant to me that I was committing to finishing this project.  Had I started with a blog entry, or a synopsis, or any other writing that I was going to add to my word count as I NaNocheated this November, it would have been different.  But no, here on November 1st, I started with my novel.  I started with the words of my story.  I stared at the screen, wondering how to start.  Then I looked at the pile of things in the bottom of my closet, clothes and shoes I needed to go through, Christmas presents that needed to be wrapped, craft projects that lets face it...I might never finish.  So of course I walked away from my computer and I cleaned the closet.  hehe... Just a little.  There is still plenty in there to distract me from writing tomorrow or the next day.

But finally, I went out to my car and got my mp3 player.  I changed the battery.  I sat down with my computer and I started to write.  It was a good start.  I would like to get some more written even today.  But life has lots of things going on around me.  I need to breathe.  I need to know that if I do not finish my novel this November it is okay.  I will write every day.  And it might be very important for me to finish that synopsis for my other story.  Or maybe I need to research something else.  And that will be okay too.  I want to try and finish, I know that too.  

It is okay for me to dream.  It is okay for me to want things that seem like I can never have them.  It is okay to just sit in that quiet place and get to know my characters.  There are lots of things that I need to and should be doing this November.  And one of them is writing.

So here is my new pen, my reward for my rejection letter.  Here is my new notebook for NaNoWriMo.  And here are the very first words of my new novel.

Eve of NaNoWriMo

Today had to be a near perfect day. I woke up this morning and nearly the first thing I did was check my e-mail. Sitting there in my inbox was something I had been expecting. To say I had been hoping for it would not be quite right. :) But there in my inbox this morning was my very first rejection letter for the very first of my writing that I had submitted to a publisher. It is funny, the word rejection should be a negative thing. But for me today this was huge. I had actually sent my words out there for someone to look at them who might have actually published them. WOW! Now of course had they told me, yes Lisa went want your novel, that would have been better. That would have truly been a surprise. I have heard from so many people that you have to do this over and over. So guess what I will be doing tomorrow. I will get this story ready to send out to the next one.

Also this week I have finished my synopsis for my second novel. I need to look over it one more time and get everything ready to send that one out as well. So hopefully by the first of next week I will have two of my stories on someone's desk. And I will be a couple of days into NaNoWriMo, working on writing my 4^th novel. We will see how NaNo goes this year. I haven't started writing yet and I am already feeling short on time. I think in December I will be finishing the editing on my third novel as I let this fourth on rest a bit. It is sort of amazing to think that in November 2010, just two years ago I was starting to write my first novel. (or at least the first one I finished) This is the novel I just got the rejection letter for.. On the Eve of NaNoWriMo 2012. What a perfect day!

Today after finishing preschool, I took my kids out to lunch to celebrate. We stopped at the store and bought a special pen for me to start writing with tomorrow. I also printed my rejection letter.  I want to hang it on the wall.  Proof that I am actually doing something.  A sign for me on the days I feel like I'm not doing anything.  And something for me to aim for, turning that in to a novel!  

All three of my kids are going to be writing with me again this November. Wow, there are going to be so many words flying around my house. Good thing we stocked up on chocolate Trick or Treating tonight! 2 ½ hours and I can start writing. I can't wait!

Here is the picture Melinda drew for me today.  It is filled with words.  Words for us to put into our stories.  Happy NaNoWriMo Eve!

Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time there was a little girl.  

She loved her grandpa most of all.  

And he loved her.  

They were everything to each other.

 

Grandpa was love.

Grandpa was fun.

Grandpa is forever.

We went fishing. 

Hours on the boat.  

Hours at the lake.  

Time with him.

Grandpa was a ferris wheel man.  

He ran the ride before I was born.  

And after, every year of my life I rode the ferris wheel with him at the county fair.

I remember the tricks he played.

I remember the games he taught me.

He took me to "garbage" sales.

We went to CooCooWiches.

But we never made it there.

My grandpa's overalls.

My grandpa's Butter Rum candies in his pocket.

My grandpa's stories.

My grandpa's smile.

My grandpa's love.

I cannot write his story, not his stories.  They are memories fading in my mind.  I can remember pieces little bits of them.  I cannot keep that promise I made to myself to write his stories.  But I can write.  I can write for me and for him, my favorite storyteller, my grandpa!